Green Eyed Gurl

Just Imagine

2010-01-18T07:45:00.003-06:00

Let me pre-empt what I have to say that my heart is indeed breaking for the people of Haiti. It is a true tragedy that we can only hope we never have to endure. I have been and will continue to pray for the people of Haiti and I will send what contributions I can to help.

I can't help but sit back and think, what if we all looked at and realized the true financial tragedy some people in America are facing right now as we are heading up our relief efforts for the people of Haiti.

What if our government entities, our non-profit networks and the individual people of America dug in to help fix the financial problems of America. What if we made contributions as whole-heartedly to our own homeless, hungry and hurting people right here like we are gearing up to do for Haiti? What if we put that much effort? Can you imagine? Instead of wiping out our food banks to send far away, we gave it to those who are near to us. You know, the ones we try real hard not to notice. The ones we see move out of their homes because they can no longer afford to live in them. The ones we don't bother to ask where they are moving to so that we can keep in touch with them. The ones we don't want to know the truth of what is happening to them.

What about the ones that are now in homeless shelters? You know, that place that we know exists, that we even make a financial contribution to, that place that we cannot stand to go to and get a first hand look at just how desperate and alone these people have become. Are we afraid we might see someone we knew at a better time in their life? Or are we more afraid that we ourselves might be just a couple of paychecks away from that same fate?

Remember how we refused help from other countries in our relief efforts of Hurricane Katrina? I hate to sound so selfish asking why we do so much for other countries, but so little for our own. But. Why do we do so much for others but not our own???

A New Year, New Beginnings

2010-01-04T16:33:00.004-06:00

It is what it is. It's a new year. It's time for a fresh start. 2009 is in the books. It's done. It's over.

2009 brought about many changes in my life and in the lives of my kids. Some good. Some not so good. Some great times were had. Some sad times were shared. And some bad times, just best put in the past.

New Year. New Start. Clean slate.

And man is my slate clean. Anything and everything can and might and might not happen. Its quite possible I will have a career change this year. Well, I am hoping at least considering that I am presently unemployed. I am still studying and working toward my appraisal license, but well, business is slow and I am laid off. I am still going to school online through Ball State working on an Associates in Business Management.

Not a lot of jobs out there right now. And honestly, with things in my personal life right now, health and kids and such, I am taking my time looking. Looking for the right thing to pique my interest and utilize my abilities.

A tight budget is what we are living on, but it isn't killing us. In fact, this tight budget has enabled me to be more compassionate and giving to those who are less fortunate. It has opened my eyes and quite frankly made me ashamed of past behavior in times of better fortune. Its a lesson I hope to carry with me and perhaps it is the real Christmas I found in my heart this year. Because, well, the materialistic Christmas of the past went to heck in a handbasket this year. Raw emotion took over and true spirit and meaning were found.

And the new year came. I was numb to it. Honestly I tried to block in mind that it was New Year's Eve and then New Years Day. I pretty much ignored it and chose not to reflect. Not to make resolutions. Resolutions come and go. Living life day by day, well, you have no choice. But you just might change a few things here and there without making a big production of it. Changes that are necessary. No need to broadcast them. No need to put them into the written word. Just do them.

That's what I got. It is what it is.

New Year. Clean slate.

Let us not forget...

2009-12-23T23:50:00.002-06:00

A SOLDIER'S CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone,in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone.

I had come down the chimney with presents to give,and to see just who in this little house lived.

As I looked all about, a strange sight I did see,No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.

No Stockings by mantle, just boots filled with sand,On the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.

With medals and badges, awards of all kinds,A sobering thought came through my mind.

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary, The home of a soldier, I could now see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone,Curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder,Not how I picture a United States Soldier.

Was this the hero of whom I'd just read?Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

I realized the families that I saw this night,owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world, the children would play,and grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas day.

They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year,because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wondering how many lay alone,on a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home.

The very thought brought a tear to my eye,I dropped to one knee and started to cry.

The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice,"Santa don't cry, for this life is my choice".

I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more,My life is my God, my country, my corps."

The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep,I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, so silent and still,as we both shivered from the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave, on that cold, dark night,this guardian of honor, so willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure,whispered, "Carry on Santa...., It's Christmas Day...., All is secure.

One look at my watch, and I knew he was right,Merry Christmas my friend.... and to all a Good Night.

~ Author Unknown *~

On life and death...

2009-12-11T09:03:00.002-06:00

Dr. Neal Van Ness passed away this week. I am very sad to hear this news. He was my surgeon, he performed three surgeries on me. He was a good man. I had to be one of his most stubborn and contrary patients. He always used lots of patience and understanding with me and I know it was a challenge at times. He put up with the little hissy fits I would have in the hospital and would ultimately direct the staff to let me have my way, but keep me from hurting myself. :)

He would take the time to explain in great detail what was going on and why I was feeling so horrible. Which would lead to me getting dizzy and passing out in his office. It came to a point where they would have a fan, cold wet wash cloth and smelling salts set up for me....finally the day came when he was able to explain it all to me and I didn't pass out and it was a cause for celebration!!!

I think when we discovered I had a triple hernia shortly after my colon resection surgery he was even more upset than I was. he just felt terrible for me and it felt good to have someone like that care. When I had complications afterward and we couldn't figure out what it was, he was straight up honest with me and told me he didn't know what it was, but he would help me find out.

I have had problems recently and called in and found out he was on medical leave. I was sad to hear that and now even sadder. Our community has suffered a great loss in both a surgeon and person.

I have heard so many other sad stories lately also of friends and acquaintances battling with cancer and other illness. There is never a good time for any of this but the holiday season just makes it so much more difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with all of these people as they fight their own personal battles that many of us will never know or understand.

My dear friend Dan wrote on his blog yesterday of a friend of his who took his own life. These are such desperate times for many of us it is so easy to lose faith but faith is exactly what we need the most. Dan shared this man left behind his wife and two young daughters. The despair and pain this family is left with is devastating and breaks my heart in a million pieces. How do you help? What can you say? What can you do? Just wrap them in love in prayers....

And this is where I start digging deep. Digging deep into my own faith and what I believe. I was raised in a home that knows God's love, but was taught religion is from within, its not in the church you attend and how often you attend, it is in the person you are and the life you live. I went to a Catholic high school and was drawn to the Catholic faith and converted in my mid 20s. Shortly after things in my life happened that made me question that choice and fall away from the Catholic church.

A good friend of our family, a good man in life, took his own life. He took it out of despair over recent health developments and facing becoming an invalid and a burden on his family. He was a proud man and unable to accept total dependency on someone else for the very basic needs of his life. I was devastated. And I was more devastated to think that God would banish him to the confines of hell for eternity. I had to believe our God is more just than that and he looks at the picture as a whole, looks at the life the person has led and not one act of total despair... I choose to believe we have a God who will think outside of the box, look at the gray matter and not respond and react in black and white only?

2009-11-26T10:59:00.001-06:00

I confess...

2009-11-19T08:06:00.002-06:00

I confess my thoughts are turning towards Christmas and I am thinking of starting to sort through the Christmas decorations. I do like to get my decorating done on Thanksgiving weekend and well......folks, that's just a week away!

Living Life in Full Color

2009-10-13T14:37:00.002-06:00

I know I have been absent from my blog for a long while.

The reason being, is simple, I have been busy just living life.

Some good, some bad, day by day, incident by incident, moment by moment.

I have been getting a taste of empty nest life in small doses. Thank goodness for my youngest son or I would be a lost soul - that is for sure.

My oldest son now lives with his dad more than he lives with me. I am not going to lie and tell you I am happy about it. I.Hate.It. I miss him a lot. He seems happy with the situation, so I have to accept it, but I don't have to like it.

My daughter moved out on her own a couple of weeks ago. I am also not thrilled about that either. She could live here rent free and come and go as she pleased. Problem was respect. We were arguing all of the time and she had a parade of people coming in at all hours of the morning after being out "chillin".... It was disruptive to me and the boys when they were here. She decided to tackle life out there on her own, and she is doing just that. Our relationship is strained, but maybe somewhat better. I think we are both harboring hurt feelings and trying to work through them as best we can. Again, I have to accept it, but I don't have to like it. I miss her. I really miss our weekend breakfast at Maria's.

My youngest is playing football for Young Tigers Football this year and he is loving it. His practices are twice a week for two hours each time, so I take my books and laptop and try to study while he practices. His games have been on Saturdays and I have to say there has been a positive effect on the entire extended family on both sides through these games. Both sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles and siblings and family friends have been showing up for the games and existing peacefully on the same sets of bleachers all for the love of one little guy. Hopefully, this is a positive step in the right direction for all of us for future family events.

Meanwhile back here at the house, I have been studying a lot and working on home improvement projects. I have literally hundreds of flower bulbs to plant yet this fall, some painting projects to do outside before the snow flies, and general home maintenance projects. Through the help of family and friends these projects are all falling into place and life is moving forward live and in full color.

Before School Begins Again

2009-08-09T10:37:00.002-06:00

This was my last week this summer to have the boys before school begins. It has been an emotional but wonderful week. In the past week and a half I have been given opportunities to spend quality one on one time with each of my three kids and as a result, I feel closer and more in tune with all of them.

My daughter took a vacation to Florida with some of her friends for a week and I honestly didn't want her to go. But she did. And it all turned out really well with me taking a half day off work and spending some "me" time shopping and then going to Chicago to pick her and her friend up at the airport. It did me a lot of good to get away for awhile.

This week the boys were here for the week and we had to do the school registration thing and all that fun back to school stuff. But it went well.

The youngest and I went and did some shopping and out to eat together and had some great conversation. He is getting excited to play football this fall and I think he is ready to get back to school.

My oldest son and I had a rough week because we had to return to mediation to figure out where he is going to live, with me or his dad. I started off telling the mediator that I truly wanted to come to a workable solution that would keep my son from ultimately having to choose which parent he wanted to live with. I didn't want him to walk out at the end of the day feeling as if he had let one of us down. Surprisingly we were able to come to a good agreement that divides his time between us somewhat evenly and gives him the flexibilty to say at anytime he wants to spend a night with the other parent. Once the decision was made a huge dark cloud disappeared over his head and my head and we had a great rest of the week.

Yesterday morning I took my oldest daughter to Fort Wayne to register for beauty school and we did a little shopping, it was a good trip and we were able to talk without getting mad at each other. Then in the afternoon the kids had friends come over to play on the lake and we had an impromptu cook out in the evening and it was really nice. My parents even joined us!

And now, I must finish this post and go play on the lake with the kids on the jet skis, where else should we be on a day like today????

Oh so very much has been going on....

2009-07-20T12:33:00.007-06:00

Life has been busy as of late. Probably too much to post all of it here. But in a nutshell....

My son got his driver's license on July 7. On July 11, his 17th birthday, he had his first wreck. It was a small fender bender and no one was hurt, but there was damage to both vehicles and he was at fault. Birthday Bummer.

We had a cookout here for his birthday. It was nice. I wanted to show off my flower gardens and all my backyard luxuries that have been added this summer. Sadly enough, the flowers back by the pond are not faring so well and two of my hydrangeas are dying a slow death. This saddens me very much because I was so excited to get them. I will post pictures this week of the other two flower beds that are doing beautifully, (once I finish pulling weeds out of them!)

We had a day at my sister's cottage on Wawasee and the kids went tubing. I got sunburned. Not much fun in the days that followed, but the day on the lake was great!

I did finally get my hammock in my backyard too! I will post pictures later this week.

Play Day

2009-06-27T07:06:00.002-06:00

Today is play day on the lake. The recent hot weather has undoubtedly warmed the water to a temperature I can tolerate. My youngest and I went swimming down at the lake in my neighborhood Thursday night and it was like bath water - but it was still nice.

Last night we had a campfire in the back yard - we have strung little round paper camp lights between the two trees out by the pond, right over the bird bath and I have put solar light caps on the posts on my deck, and my really pretty four globe solar lights that change colors in my flower bed by the deck. So all of the lighting back there is soft and pretty and the globe lights are like mini gazing balls that change colors - so it is very relaxing to sit out by the fire. The sky was full of stars and somewhere over on Tippy someone was having a party with a live band. We could hear the music. (Bring back memories Danny?) We sat outside til well past midnight just relaxing.

Today, after I get a couple of reports emailed out, we are going to the lake to play on the jet skis and hopefully soak up some sunshine. I am excited! And then tonight is the Tippecanoe Lake Property Owners Fish Fry. Its the best fish ever. Dan's out of Huntington. Which used to be the fish that was at the Mt. Etna fish fries when I was a kid. We are all going over to my sister's for the fish fry tonight, probably she and I will go over to Camp Crosley (where the fish fry is) and pick up the carry out.

Tonight my daughter has to work and my oldest son will probably go to the Tippy Dance Hall.

If all goes well, tomorrow should be a repeat day on the lake!

Summer is truly here.

A Boy. A Lawnmower. And A Pond.

2009-06-21T09:17:00.008-06:00

My 16 yr old son got a new lawnmower on Thursday. He has been wanting this new mower for over a year now and has been saving his money. His present lawnmower just hasn't been doing as good of a job as we would like for all of the jobs he now has. So my parents decided to loan him the money to get the new mower.

They went to Kokomo on Thursday to get it. On Friday he mowed the lawns he is contracted to mow over by the lake. On Saturday he finally got to mow our yard. It is the standing joke with our neighbor whenever Kyal comes over to see him its because his mower is in the pond. When they saw his new mower they wondered out loud how long it would be before it went in the pond.

Well you guessed it. First lap around the yard......

He went marching right over to the neighbor and he came over to help. I was on camera duty, I was greatly amused by this. Kyal was not so happy, he said he rode it right down the bank, he was going to go in with it if it went all the way in, and I am sure that he would have too! And being the good mom that I am, well, I took lots of pictures!

So there you go. A Boy. A Lawnmower. And A Pond.

Pretty

2009-06-19T09:07:00.005-06:00

Graduation, Hydrangeas, Open House and other things

2009-06-15T08:18:00.003-06:00

Life has been crazy around here lately.

I survived the graduation thing. I only cried all day on graduation day. It was after all my baby girl!

I have been working on my yard and flower gardens. I purchased three hydrangea bushes at half price this weekend. I was so excited. I have wanted these hydrangea bushes every year for years. Now I have a special place for them and they are beautiful! They bloom all summer long and the best way to encourage blooming is to cut the flowers and bring them inside to enjoy so more blooms will come in. It is the little things that make me happy!!!

The graduation open house went very well too. It was a week of complete chaos and stress. I got it in my head that I wanted everything in my house in order too even though the party was at the clubhouse down by the lake. So I spent the week trying to work, juggle a kid in summer school and assign chores and tasks to each kid. In the end, not everything came together at the house the way I had hoped, but the party came together beautifully and the decorations were adorable.

So now I am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and looking forward to some rest and relaxation.

I found a beautiful "lacey" crocheted hammock for my backyard now I am trying to find a stand for it.

One of the nicest flower shops in town has its annuals and perinials on sale for half price so I am guessing there will be some more floral purchases made this week and pictures posted here also.

My son took the puppy for her first swim in the lake yesterday. She liked it apparently.

Now I have to get her a life jacket so she can go on the jet ski with me.

My pomeranian I had before her used to ride the jet ski with me all of the time. I hope Macie will like it too.

I rearranged my bedroom so my bed is in front of my windows facing the backyard, I lay in bed and look out at the yard and can see my flowers and solar lights and hear the frogs. Last night there were lightning bugs all around the pond, the first I had seen this year.

And would you believe, I have not been out on the lake yet this year? Hmmm, I think its time I should do something about that!

Graduation

2009-06-03T12:12:00.002-06:00

My daughter is graduating from high school this Friday night. My first baby. My only girl. My little girl.

The hopes and dreams I have for this child are endless. She is smart and beautiful. The world is at her feet she can do anything and be anything she sets her mind to. Her greatest cheerleader on this earth is me. I know my daughter and I know the potential.

For now I am breathing a sigh of relief. A huge sigh of relief. So thankful she made it through. So thankful she made it through unhurt and beautiful and smart. So thankful for so many things.

It's crazy, but as a single parent you feel so much pressure. (yes, I know, all parents feel a great pressure, a pressure to teach their children the right things, to give them the right things, to set the right boundaries, to set the right example, etc., etc.) But as a single parent I always felt due to the intensity of our divorce and the eagerness to point fingers and place blame an extraordinary amount of pressue. I felt and still feel as if we live our life under a microscope and someone somewhere is just waiting for one big mistake.

And oh how I love my daughter, but believe me, she is a strong willed free spirit who is going to speak her mind and do as she pleases. I am quite certain the fact that I am now coloring my hair every three weeks is due to her. So today, as the first full day of her new life as a young adult, I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. And I know, my job as a parent to her is not done, we are just entering into a new phase of our lives in which I more often have to stand back and keep my mouth shut and let her learn on her own. Thats the hard part. We don't want our children to have to learn life lessons the hard way, but it is how we all learn.

Kelsay, I love you and I am oh so proud to be your mother.

The beginning stages...

2009-05-14T15:50:00.016-06:00

Just a pretty flower for your enjoyment!

This post is going to be all about my landscaping projects for the yard. Pictured above is one of my helper's...

Tuesday afternoon I received another load of fill dirt, this one was free and came from a good family friend who is closer to my ex husband than he is to me. My oldest son called him and asked him how much it would be to get 3-4 yds of fill dirt and he said he would just bring us some. It truly made me cry...but that's the sentimental me... I cried because I was pleasantly surprised that he would be willing to do something like that for me.

My son cut down the tree that was dying in front of my living room/office window and we decided to put the swing there. I have already enjoyed several evenings sitting out in my swing. You may also recognize this area as the area where the gourd that took over our house was growing a couple of years ago. This is the new flower bed out in front around our flagpole. The flowers took a beating in last night's storms, but with some tlc I think they will snap out of it and be beautiful in a few weeks.

I planted some wildflower seeds here the other night. It will be interesting to see how they do.

This is the pond in my backyard. We are going to start putting some chemicals in and scraping algae off the top and see if we can get it cleaned up and looking pretty. It doesn't freeze solid in the winter because it has a fresh spring running through it, so I am thinking of raising some Coi (Koi?) (Goldfish) and see what happens.

This is the flower bed in front of my deck, it needs a makeover, don't you think? Watch this space for upcoming improvements! Actually, I think this bed will be a hodge podge of flowers as my youngest son has planted some seeds and picked out some flowers that aren't exactly to my liking, but he is very excited about helping me with these flower beds....

This is another new bed we are building. I always wanted a hammock between these two trees but they are too far apart, but I am still planning on purchasing a hammock with a stand, and it will be located somewhere nearby! My parents gave me their old birdbath this past weekend, it needs some paint....I am thinking of putting a gazing ball in the middle of it but haven't decided yet. I am also going to be needing some birdfeeders.

This area in front of my bedroom windows and beside the deck probably won't get developed this year (Budget you know!) But I am thinking of a water garden and lilac bushes outside my bedroom windows! I saw some with little waterfalls so I would hear the trickling water all night, I think that would be very soothing.

This is the portable firepit and adirondak chairs and footstools we got for our evening fires. We have already had a few fires in the sideyard but will be moving to the backyard near the pond very soon. Oh so relaxing!

These are the very way cool solar lights I got at Menards. They change from red to blue to green when they are on. I have four of them and I am planning on placing them in the garden with the birdbath.

So yes, I have a lot of work to do, hopefully late this summer my after pictures will be beautiful!

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T09:03:00.002-06:00

Of all the things that I love, I love being a mother the most.

I am ready for some Weekend!

2009-05-08T14:03:00.003-06:00

I am so glad its the weekend. On the agenda is yardwork. This is the year I have decided to build some flower gardens.

If you remember, when I first moved in this house I tore out seven garden boxes. But they were just plain ugly.

I have come to the realization that I am no longer married and my husband can no longer spray round-up on all of my flowers. After a couple years of him doing that I lost all interest in have pretty flowers and a pretty yard. Well its a new life now. I am slowly learning this.

My son and stepdad got some rocks from one of the farms for me, and I am building a little "retainining wall" of rocks around my flagpole in my front yard to fill in with dirt and plant flowers. I am also building another bed like that out between my two trees by the pond. And fixing up the one in front of the deck.

A couple of weeks ago a local contractor was working on a neighbor's septic and had a dump truck of fill dirt he was using for their job. He only needed a couple of buckets of the dirt for the job and I bought the rest of the load from him for $20. That was my big event of the weekend, who knew dirt could make me so happy?

It is going to take more dirt, probably another load of fill dirt and then top soil too. But I am game for all of this.

A new Menard's store just opened in town last week and man do I love going there. I am really hooked on solar lights. I got some really pretty ones that look like small gazing balls, blue and white and the lights at night change white, red, blue and green. They are sooooo cool! We also bought a portable fire pit and have had a couple of fires this past week. Now we added some adirondak chairs for relaxing around the fire by the pond. Next thing I want is a hammock.

I will post pictures from before, during and in progress as it all blooms and grows this summer. I am truly looking forward to enjoying my yard and flowers this year.

What a week!

2009-05-03T09:10:00.002-06:00

What a week of adjusting to my quickly changing life.

It was the second full week of the new visitation schedule for my oldest son. I still have a big empty space when he is not here, the hardest part is when the bus stops in front of the house to let the neighbor kid off and Macie (the puppy) sits in front of the door and watches for her beloved bubby to walk in. It makes my heart hurt more, since my desk looks directly out into the foyer where she is sitting and waiting oh so patiently.

Then my darling baby girl brought home her cap and gown and graduation goodies. Ugh. Another tug at my heart strings. It is exciting too. Her plans are to attend Rudae's Beauty College in Fort Wayne, so she won't be traveling way far away from me....but still, she is growing up and away.

Add to that the big day on Thursday. Thursday my baby girl turned 18. She promptly informed me I can't ground her anymore and that she is getting a tattoo. Oh but I can still ground her as long as she lives under my roof, drives my car and eats my food, uses my soft water and enjoys my heat and air conditioning. Its just how it is. The tattoo, I suppose I don't have much to say about that, but I did express my sincere disappointment.

Her birthday gathering was nice, we took dinner and cake and ice cream to my parents house and her boyfriend came and my oldest son's girlfriend was there too. We had a great time and my daughter made quite a haul in gifts.

This weekend the boys were with me, and I get them next weekend for mother's day weekend and the following weekend is my normal weekend again. I am so happy. My youngest son went away for the weekend with his aunt and uncle. And my oldest son and I have been doing yardwork. We bought a portable fire pit at our new Menard's store last night and had a fire in the backyard. One of the neighbor girls came over and sat and talked with us for awhile and it was very relaxing. My son and I sat out by the fire until almost 1 in the morning. Maybe this new arrangement is bringing us closer, who knows?

Oh and on a side note, we had our lovely little neighborhood meeting and spring clean up yesterday morning. Well needless to say, I have many issues with our association, but I don't want to be an officer so I just have to deal with it all. Their latest and greatest idea is they are going to strongly suggest that we all switch to just one trash pick-up service (of their choosing of course) so that only one big heavy trash truck a week comes into our neighborhood to pick up trash and thus less wear and tear on our streets. So should we only allow UPS and Fed Ex in once a week, what about other repair trucks, should we schedule repairs just one day a month and hope it fits our schedules so there is less wear and tear on our streets? Heaven forbid someone should build a house on a vacant lot. Or a room addition. Or landscape. Or do anything to improve anything. OMG what if someone pours a concrete driveway or sidewalk??? Oh yeah, definitely a sore spot with me.

But nonetheless, I did survive a week of impending changes in my life, learning to let go of my kids a little and let them spread their wings. No one told me this part was so hard.

I'm feeling better today

2009-04-25T10:12:00.003-06:00

Its been a rough couple of weeks. This past week I had to start the new visitation agreement for my oldest son. I won't lie, its been pure hell for me.

I have dealt with so many feelings and emotions, cried several times a day every day and am in general - a basket case.

My heart is broken in a million pieces. As much as I want to believe my son didn't really want to go live with his dad all of the time, deep down I know it really is his wish. Its my wish that he would want to stay here.

What is so difficult is he wants to be there for all of the wrong reasons. The life his dad lives is appealing to a teenager. Its a constant party at his dad's house. The shop (business) is directly behind the house and the employees stay after work every day and hang out and drink beer. Many of the guys are in their early to mid 20s and "cool" in the eyes of a 16 yr old. More friends stop in daily at the shop to drink beer and hang out.

There are motorcycles, dirt bikes, four wheelers, golf carts, etc there. A playground for a 16 yr old with little or no adult supervision to speak of - remember they are all hanging out and drinking beer...

Add to that his dad lives with a woman. Not married to her, just living together, and her 16 yr old son lives there too. This could make my son feel jealous and feel the need to be there to protect his relationship with his dad.

His dad hates confrontation and punishment. Kind of stands by if you ground the kid you ground yourself and thats no fun. He is more prone to hit or kick for disciplinary measures instead. If the kids can avoid him in the heat of the moment, they generally get off scott free.

Enter the home I have strived so hard to create for my kids. I have worked hard to keep the three kids together and interacting with each other in each other's lives. (Remember, my oldest daughter has not had visitation with her dad since she was 12) We have made ourselves into a working family unit and are close to each other.

I removed alcohol from my home last summer. I came to the realization kids are kids, they are probably going to get it if they want, but I decided it would not come from my home. Kids are going to get in trouble, why create more temptation?

As far as his dad living with a woman and not marrying her, I have issues with that. Some circumstances it is fine. But when children are present in the home and at an impressionable age - why not take your role as a parent and a role model seriously? Why not live by standards you want for your children? Why not be the example?

My kids and I live on a tight budget. I can't go buy them everything they want the minute they want it. We have learned to accept this and work with it. None of us go without anything we need, but we do go without things we want. Its a different world at their dad's house, money flows freely as does alcohol and party times. (Much more appealing to a kid than the life I provide.)

So thus, the emotional struggle I have had this past week especially. Knowing that what I was doing was not good enough. Feeling the pain of the choice my child made. I do understand it through his eyes. And through the eyes of an adult I know he will come up empty on the inside. I now pray he gets that empty on the inside sooner rather than later...he will be welcomed back into my home with open arms, but until then, I am trying to pick up the pieces and move on.

Who woulda thought?

2009-04-17T12:52:00.003-06:00

Who would have thought that my oldest daughter turning 18 and graduating from high school would make me cry? I didn't. Well ok, yes I did.

I get very emotional. Every time any of my kids have been in any kind of play or graduation or awards ceremony or anything, I cry. Every single dance recital, every time one of my kids walked out on stage, I teared up. I don't know why, it just happens, I get a big lump in my throat and tears start welling up in my eyes. Its a mix of emotions, mostly pride, but other ones too.

When I received the information to order her graduation stuff, I did ok with that....no tears....just trying to figure out how I was going to pay for it, but no tears. But today, all of the information about all that is going to take place between now and graduation...I was a sobbing fool by the time I finished reading it.

So tell me....how am I going to get through the graduation ceremony??? Waterproof mascara and a box of tissues for starters...

Kids

2009-04-16T06:41:00.002-06:00

My kids are growing up and life is changing. Life is changing in ways that make me sad. Ways that make me happy. Ways that make me proud. Ways that make me mad. I guess its just all part of the grand scheme of things.

My two older kids are growing up and away, they are now exhibiting decisions they make of their own free will. Some are good, some are bad, some are hurtful, but they are their decisions. Their dad and I have worked to lay the foundation, we are there to guide and give advice, however they are at the age where we are "stupid." I have been there and done that. I look back and see the wisdom that was shared with me at the time...but I sure didn't see it as wisdom then.

I feel time slipping through my fingers. Not so much with my daughter who is just two weeks away from turning 18 and less than two months from graduating high school. I know my bond with her will always be strong. But I do feel time slipping through my fingers with my 16 yr old son.

The new visitation agreement gives him more time with his dad than with me and forces me into the "part-time" parent role. My heart is breaking a million times over just trying to accept and deal with this situation. With him being gone from me and his brother and sister so much, I fear that all of the "bonds" will crack and suffer.

We had a great night last night, my daughter had her boyfriend over for dinner and my oldest son had his girlfriend over for dinner. After dinner they went out in the yard and played ball with my youngest son. They had the puppy outside with them and were laughing and having a great time. Later we all went to Ritter's and had ice cream. As I absorbed it all in, I was happy and deep down inside kinda sad as I feel these times becoming more precious and slipping slowly away.

Man, I am going to make a terrible empty nester....

Tippecanoe Lake Webcam

2009-04-15T07:07:00.002-06:00

Check this out! It is a link to the Tippecanoe Lake Webcam. The camera is located at the Tippecanoe Lake Country Club, and on a clear day I suspect we might be able to see my parents home. Kinda cool I think. Anyhow, I added the link in the links of interest area of my blog so it will be easy to get to just in case any of you are ever wondering what the weather is in my neck of the woods.

Note of interest - That view is almost exactly what my view was at work before I moved my office into my home....now I get to keep a close eye on my own neighborhood.

Easter Sunday...

2009-04-12T05:41:00.002-06:00

Someone Else...

2009-04-09T14:30:00.002-06:00

I have never truly grasped the concept that Someone else is in control of my life. Its an ongoing power struggle in which I try so hard constantly to remain in complete control of my life.

This control of my life concept goes so far as to make me one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet. I REFUSE to ask for help. I might give a subtle hint of what I need done for me, but if the hint is not heeded in a timely manner I will just do it myself.

There have been a few times that this stubbornness has landed me in the hospital helplessly out of control. And when you become helplessly out of control....help swarms in on you. People understand what you need and you don't have to say a word, they just jump in and do what needs to be done.

I know I am being very vague and general....but here is a more specific example. One of my hospital stays was an entire week with another week of rest to follow up. My mom and sister pitched in to help. They divided the kids between them. They had help from their husband or significant other... and at the end of the two weeks they all were exhausted, their homes were a wreck and they were behind on their laundry! And remember, they divided the kids between them... From that hospital stay stemmed many solutions to many problems I had that were overwhelming me. I was refusing to stop and ask for help. But help came. I was able to relax a bit more and lighten up a little more.

Recently I have gotten in over my head again with stress and worry and refusing to ask for or accept help. This time it didn't come down to a total crisis. But this time Someone else stepped in. I always forget to turn to God and ask for help. I tend to wait until I am so deep in the muck that it seems as if there is no other thing to do but to turn to God. And this time again I still didn't turn to God, but He stepped in anyway. I felt him step in and comfort me and make things look a whole lot better and less overwhelming. I feel Him working in our lives.

Maybe I will sound like a holy roller to some of you for this post. Maybe I will sound like a babbling idiot. Maybe it doesn't matter...

If you have noticed my twitter on the side "Praying for Stellan" and my link to the My Charming Kids Blog then you will know I have been following this blog daily and praying for Stellan constantly. I honestly believe my prayers for this child brought God back to me and my family and put His hand back in control. And well, those of you who know me....know that its hard for me to "let go"

Mediation

2009-04-08T07:13:00.002-06:00

I shared earlier this week that my ex husband and I went to mediation in regards to custody of our oldest son and an increase in child support.

I am very uncomfortable with the fact that he wants custody of only one child. I hate that he can pick and choose which kid he wants the most and push the other two aside. I hate that he finds it necessary to split up the core family unit as the kids know it.

I felt very pressured by the mediator to let my son live with his dad. I kept telling the mediator that I am doing absolutely nothing wrong in my home that merits having a child taken away from me. On the other hand I have many concerns in regards to the lifestyle my ex-husband exhibits in front of our children. Documented concerns. Documented meaning police, child protective services, CASA and court reports.

It came to a point where they wanted to bring my son in and question him about what he truly wants to do. I said no. I said no because on Thursday of this past week my son told me he wanted to live at home with us. I said no because on Sunday I received a text message from my son stating he was "almost sure" that he wanted to live with his dad. I said no because he refused to talk to me on the phone and tell me this. I said no because I was not certain the text message discussion we had was actually between he and I. I said no because I was 75% sure that his dad's girlfriend was sending the text messages. I said no because I understand that my son is confused and although he may want to live with his dad, he also wants to live at home and he doesn't want to hurt either of us. I said no because I did not want to put my son on the "hot seat" and make him "choose his favorite parent."

We finally came to an agreement. The agreement resulted in pretty much a 50/50 split between the homes. My oldest son will spend the night at his Dad's Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and every other weekend. My youngest son will continue with his Wednesday evening and every other weekend. Oh, and I can't forget to mention, there is still NO visitation with our daughter. She does stop over to see him sometimes when the boys are there and his girlfriend is gone...

The agreement also indicates when the weather is nice and my son needs to work near our home for his lawncare business, that will be a first priority...but it will be necessary to take him to his dad's to sleep at night when the sun goes down....

This is only thru the end of this school year. Then our summer arrangement of every other week kicks in.

But here is the part that is absolutely eating away at me. This is the part that is putting that little black cloud over my head. This is the part that I hate. In early August we have to go to binding arbitration. At this point a binding and permanent living arrangement will be agreed upon for my oldest son. My son will be brought in and forced to choose which parent he wants to live with permanently. Again I hate to put him in that position. My only hope is that this temporary arrangement we came up with works well and feels good to him and shows him he can have equal time with both parents, and still be with his brother and sister a little more frequently than if he were to live with his dad permanently. My hope is that he will like the arrangement and tell the arbitrator that this working well and he wants to leave it like this, or even better that he will say he wants to be home with his family. Because we are a small little working family and my oldest daughter will not be leaving for college, she will be attending beauty school in Fort Wayne and still living here.

My heart is breaking with what my son has already had to go through, and I am praying fervently that we have resolved it into a working pattern that will work for him and take the decision making process off of him.

Easter!

2009-04-07T21:10:00.002-06:00

Easter is going to be different this year. Kind of an ending to some traditions and maybe a beginning of new traditions and a few old ones kept in for good measure.

We used to go to brunch at the country club. Not this year. Its a tradition I am sad to see go, I liked getting my kids all dressed up and getting a family picture.

My oldest daughter is a senior this year and will be 18 at the end of this month. In her mind everything is going to change and she wants to move out....I am pretty sure she is going to be here for awhile longer, but nevertheless, our lives are changing.

It has been hit and miss over the years whether we make it to church or not....this year I am not sure yet....

My youngest son is 10, so perhaps its time to forego the egg hunt. I just can't quite bring myself to do this, so I am working on a treasure hunt for each of the kids...we will see how this works out. It might be a fun new tradition.

I also can't give up the Easter basket thing, so I have been buying up all of the stupid hokey toys that bring back memories of my childhood, and have you seen the new peeps??? I got carrots, frogs, orange bunnies, periwinkle bunnies....all kinds of cute peeps.

We are having dinner at my sister's house, but I think I might make a ham and some side dishes to have at my home for the evening...those kids, they get hungry all of the time!

I'm making a comeback

2009-04-07T15:33:00.002-06:00

I've been down and out and a lousy blogger for several weeks. Yesterday I went to mediation to resolve custody and visitation and support issues. We were able to reach a working solution and think we both walked away feeling as if we had "won" something.

This has been going on since January 21, 2008. 63 weeks. I have walked around with a dark cloud over my head all of that time. To finally resolve it yesterday was as if a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. I literally feel the difference...I feel so much happier, so less stressed and the headache is pretty much gone.

Think About It...

2009-04-07T12:01:00.003-06:00

Footprints

One night I had a dream--I dreamed I was walking along the beach with
the Lord and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I
noticed two sets of footprints, one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,I looked back at the footprints
in the sand.I noticed that many times along the path of my life,there was only
one set of footprints.I also noticed that it happened at the very lowestand
saddest times in my life. This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord
about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,you would walk with
me all the way,but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my
lifethere is only one set of footprints. "I don't understand why in times when I
needed you most,you should leave me." The Lord replied, "My precious, precious
child,I love you and I would never, never leave youduring your times of trial
and suffering. "When you saw only one set of footprints,it was then that I
carried you."

...Mary Stevenson

I have just come through some very difficult times with my two oldest kids and at times felt very alone, but this poem reminds me I was never alone and I have made it through and am ready to face the next challenge when it comes. But if you all don't mind, I think I will take a moment to breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the beautiful sunlight...

President Obama

2009-03-17T21:05:00.003-06:00

I know on election night I expressed my disappointment in the nation's choice for President. I also conceded to be supportive of the new President out of respect for our country. I have bit my tongue and sat back in the shadows. I do realize the mess our country is in was a terrible mess for any person to inherit to try to clean up. It is going to take a long time to "fix" things...and either he will fix them or four years later we will most likely see a new president.

That is not what this rant is about however. This rant is about President Obama's decision to appear on The Tonight Show. I am just very disappointed. It seems like President and Mrs. Obama are more obsessed with the limelight than settling down and letting Mr. Obama get down and dirty and fix our country. It seems as if they want to be a glitzy glamorous super couple walking the red carpets. Michelle on the cover of Vogue, our President on Leno.

I do realize the media has changed over the years, I realize the internet has changed all of our lives, some for the good and some not so good. I just never before have associated the Office of the President of the United States as a showbiz gig. Not even when Ronald Reagan was president. Show biz was over and it was time to settle down and do the job at hand.

I know, I've not been sleeping much lately and am a tad stressed out, so maybe its just me.

Hurry Spring, Please Hurry!

2009-02-26T08:39:00.006-06:00

Spring is my favorite season of the year and this year is no different. I have just had more than enough of winter. I want sunny pretty fresh days with pretty flowers. Spring is like a time of renewal, the showers come and wash away the dirt and grime that piled up over the fall and winter with leaves and salt and sand...everything turns green and clean again. Maybe its because my birthday comes the first day of spring, or maybe its even more spiritual, coinciding with Christs' resurrection, but no matter what, I love spring. So, hurry spring, please hurry!

In the blink of an eye

2009-02-01T10:20:00.002-06:00

Life is short. Life is precious. Sometimes we forget. Sometimes we are served up a dose of reality.

This past week I was contacted by a client. We spoke a total of four times on the phone in the course of three days. In those three days however, we were able to meet his needs and get the ball rolling on the project as requested. The last conversation I had with him was Thursday evening.

Saturday morning I received in the mail from him the final piece of correspondence I needed for the job at hand. Ten minutes later as I was reading the newspaper I saw his obituary. He was killed in an automobile accident on Friday morning. He had mailed that correspondence in the brief hours between when we spoke and when he was killed.

I didn't know him, but yet I mourn for him and pray for his family. It is a strange dose of reality that hits you up side of the head and makes you stop and think of the ones who matter most in your life. And then you see the need to take time to tell them what they mean to you.

So I am a bit slap happy...

2009-01-26T11:41:00.003-06:00

We have been extremely busy since right after Christmas. Its a good thing....however, there is no rest for the weary. When I can't sleep, I work, when I can't work I sleep. I have even set my alarm and gotten up at 3 a.m. to work a couple of nights and then take little cat naps through the day. I am so glad my office is in my home and I can go to work in my pajamas! I can do laundry while I work and I can cook meals while I work. It is a little lifesaver decision we made back in October that I will be thankful for the rest of my life we made!!!

When the interest rates dropped, there was a scramble for many homeowners to refinance, and that threw us right into overdrive. What a great way for me to learn the business, but I must confess its a little difficult for me to keep up on my school work right now.

So being as brain dead as I am right now, I received this old joke in an email this morning, and it made me giggle all over again, so I thought I would share it with all of you so you can see just how goofy I am getting to be. (Ok, so those of you who know, know that I have always been quite a bit goofy!)

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name is Patricia Whack.
'Ms. Whack,' he says, 'I'd like to obtain a loan to buy a boat.'
Patti furrows her brow and asks, 'Well, how much do you want to borrow?'
'$30,000,' the frog says.
The teller writes this down, then asks his name.
'My name is Kermit Jagger. I'm the son of Mick Jagger.'
'Really?' she asks, eyebrow raised.
'Yes,' he says. Then he digs into his pants pocket and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant. 'And I want to use this as collateral.'
'Ummm, okay,' Patti says, accepting the elephant. 'I'll have to ask the president about this.'
'That's fine,' he says. 'He'll vouch for me.'
Patti walks into the bank president's office and explains the situation. 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 to buy a boat. He wants to use this' - she holds up the tiny pink elephant - 'as collateral. I mean, what the heck is this thing?'
The owner says: 'It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'

Is it just me?

2009-01-19T04:28:00.004-06:00

Maybe I am looking too deeply at things. Maybe I am not. It just seems to me that Tuesday's inauguration of Barack Obama is becoming very racist. When I looked at the new google header it seems to be as if it delves into his ethnicity. I just don't recall it being like this in the past. I don't recall pictures of Carter with peanuts for his inaugeration celebration, pictures of Bush with anything symbolizing Texas, Clinton with anything symbolizing Arkansas, etc... Do you get what I am saying? There were not pictures, logos etc that symbolized ethnicity. I think it is disrespectful to our new president actually.

In my humble opinion, it seems as if the incoming president should be pictured with nothing other than the stars and stripes, the Presidential seal, the white house, the outline of the United States of America, I don't know, just plain patriotic pictures and logos. Then again, maybe its just me and I am overthinking again.

Oh I think I am going to regret this decision...

2009-01-12T23:26:00.002-06:00

All day long I have been clicking on the National Weather Service website and checking the weather report and thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, I will believe it when I see it.

Most of the evening I kept wondering if maybe I should run into town to the store and pick up a few more items. The thought of three kids in a house for a day or two with limited snacks kinda scares me. But for whatever reason I decided the extra milk and fruit punch I have in the garage will be ok, we have several frozen pizzas a couple of packages of hamburger, some chicken breasts and plenty of other things to make a decent meal or two or three... but man o man there sure aren't very many oreos left.... not much ice cream....hmmm I do have a stash of reese cups.... we can make popcorn, everyone loves popcorn......yes I am sure all will be just fine.

But then I looked outside and the snow started on time, just as predicted. What if they are right this time? Oh God, what if we have a snow day or two even, me, three kids, three cats and a puppy and I still have to work and am behind....omg....can I do this? Will I survive?

Finally

2009-01-09T07:51:00.002-06:00

Well finally, things are starting to resemble a routine around here. The kids were off from school on Monday also, so it was one more day of chaos. But it was a day where I was able to bribe them to take down the other Christmas tree and return all of the decorations back to the basement. (My son wanted to go see his girlfriend and wanted his sister to drive him into town.) It was amazing all of the work they got done around the house for me in one hour! My daughter is grounded, so she was happy to get out of the house and chauffer her brother around.

My daughter's vehicle is back in working order. The computer board had to be replaced and the carpet shampooed. Her dad fixed her car for her and in the process made great strides towards repairing their broken relationship. He bought her a new set of tires for her vehicle also. She went and visited with him a couple of times over Christmas break, his girlfriend and her son were out of town so it made it easy for my daughter to spend some time with her dad.

The overall body damages that tonka suffered in its trip into the creek exceed $2200. The passenger side doors are difficult to close, but something she can deal with unless she manages to collect damages from the "boyfriend". I know she still has a thing for him, but presently he is sitting in jail and I am hoping she will meet someone new and get over this thing with trouble.

Work has been extremely busy and I am taking another appraisal class and working towards getting into some online classes through Ball State. I spend most of my time in my office, thank goodness its at home so I can still spend time with my family. I have been working long hours this week and getting up in the middle of the night and working too.

This evening I am going to slack off and spend some time with the kids watching movies and having a fire in the fireplace.

Normal?

2009-01-02T07:04:00.003-06:00

Please tell me its finally time to get back to normal? No you say! One more day of the lunacy and then a weekend? If you promise that Monday will start to seem normal again I think I can survive. If you say today is the last real day of the holiday season and vacations, I think I can make it. I think I can.

Its 2009 and its a new year and time for another new beginning. This past year has seen many changes in our lives and we survived and are the better for many of them. I learned my kids are growing up and earning more freedom in their lives. They learned that sometimes the words of wisdom I offer truly are "words of wisdom". See my daughter's adventure in December with her truck being wrecked by her boyfriend. We are still dealing with that mess.

Speaking of that mess. We have tonka truck back. It had to have a new computer board installed. Her dad stepped in and fixed it and paid for it for her. We still have recourse from the boyfriend however. The prosecutor did act upon my statement of the understanding the boyfriend and I had regarding the vehicle and he now sits in jail on two warrants, one missing a court date, and one unlawful use of a vehicle. As I hear it, no bond is set and no hearing until this coming Thursday.

My ex-husband has exhibited an about face in his behaviour the past few weeks, he stepped in and helped my daughter and they have been talking on the phone and spending some time together. He called her the other night and told her to go to the tire shop today because he is buying her a new set of tires for tonka. She refers to him as Dad now instead of calling him by his first name. He has had the boys this week and let the youngest come home last night because he was homesick for me, in the past, he told him to "be a man". We didn't fight over the Christmas visitation this year, we just went with how it is supposed to be and everyone seems to be the better for it. My goodness the man even wished me a Merry Christmas and I even thanked him for his help in the wreck situation.

More on tonka truck, it has $2700 in body damage, so little Mr. Boyfriend has quite a bill to pay, and no job and no ambition.... I am hoping this will be a lesson learned for my daughter that she will apply to her own book of wisdom.

I will however hold an little gratitude for Mr. Boyfriend in that he brought back some healing in a very broken relationship between my daughter and her dad. I hope the progress made will continue and she will have her dad back. She needs that very much in her life. He is certainly not the best dad in the world, but he is her dad.

This year will bring about more big changes in our world as my daughter will graduate high school and step out into the real world a little more. It will be a difficult transition for me, to let go of my baby, but I am sure we will find our way. My oldest son will be getting a driver's license this year which will be another set of worries for me and my little boy will continue on his journey in life, with his thirst for knowledge overwhelming and mind boggling, I think I will soon have to keep a dictionary nearby in order to engage in conversations with him, he loves new words and using them in proper context.

I wish all of you a happy new year, a return to normalcy as we all know it and health and happiness in the year to come.

A new addition to our family

2009-01-01T08:22:00.004-06:00

We have a new addition to our family. We have a black pomeranian puppy. She "officially" joined our family on Christmas Eve as a big surprise to my youngest son at least. In reality she had been hiding in my bathtub for a week prior with me sneaking her out to potty when the kids were in their rooms or sleeping or not home or whatever. Surprisingly enough they were gone a lot during the days before Christmas so she got to start her potty training and get out and play with the cats too.

My daughter went with me to pick her out, so she knew and helped me with the secret. My oldest son figured out something was up because all of my daughter's friends were coming over and they were all going to the bathroom in my room together. And then forgetting to use the bathroom and running to one of the other ones shortly after a trip into my room for that purpose. We finally clued him in the day before Christmas Eve. But my youngest son was completely surprised and elated.

She is a good dog with a fun personality. I have only heard her bark twice so far. She whines sometimes and she growls when playing with the cats and some of her toys. She won't get over 5 lbs. when full grown making all of the cats bigger than her, but she thinks she is a big bad dog and just goes into any situation with no fear at all. Totally adorable. The pictures were taken of her when she was helping me at work the other day.

God Bless Us - Everyone

2008-12-25T07:49:00.002-06:00

Politically Correct but author unknown...

2008-12-23T20:04:00.000-06:00

To all my Democrat friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

To all my Republican friends:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

What's on my tree Wednesday

2008-12-17T07:17:00.005-06:00

So here it is again, Katie At This Crazy Life is hosting a weekly blog carnival featuring our favorite Christmas ornaments, so here is this week's choice...

Raggedy Ann and Andy are paper ornaments I made out of cookie molds. Fifteen years or so ago, I was a very crafty person, always making something until I got hooked on the ultimate rubber stamping and scrapbooking. But I made these ornaments by putting all of this stuff in a blender and mixing it up really well and then squeezing out the excess liquid and pressing it into a cookie mold. It was a long drying process, I can't remember if I used the oven on a low temp or not, it seems like a thousand years ago.

After the paper was dry and I could remove it from the mold, then I was able to paint it. I have a heart one also, but the picture didn't turn out so well, but here is good ole Raggedy Ann and Andy who hang around on my tree every year.

Our life as we live it, LIVE and in FULL COLOR

2008-12-16T21:55:00.002-06:00

Where to begin? I fell back asleep this morning after the two older kids left for school. Still not feeling very well from this bug I have....so....

I awoke from a deep sleep to what was obviously a dream of my daughter screaming my name for help......

I don't know what I was dreaming, but I sent a text to her right away asking if she was ok. She responded she was fine and in class and why was I asking.... so, well, nevermind, on with the day.

I decided I am not getting any better from this "sinus infection" and I don't want to be sick over the holiday, plus I have a ton of things to do in the next week, so I called the doctor and was able to get an early afternoon appointment. It turns out I am having an allergic reaction to amoxicillin, so new scripts in hand, off to the pharmacy I go.

While at the pharmacy, I get a call from one of the principals at the high school. It seems my daughter's boyfriend has taken her vehicle and wrecked it. You have got to be kidding me. I threatened this kid a little over two months ago if I ever caught him driving that vehicle again I would report it as stolen and press charges against him, it is in my name.

I get out of the pharmacy, head to the scene of the accident, and call the police on my way and tell them its stolen he has not been authorized to drive the vehicle. Well wouldn't you know he, he wrecked in front of the shop of my ex-husband's best friend, and well of course, my ex was already there when I got there..... Little Tonka Truck was laying in a ditch on its side in water. The fool boyfriend was standing there crying....and apologizing. Too late for apologies with me, I had already told him was never to drive it...

I talked to the officers and told them he knew he was not to drive it and it was stolen and I wanted to press charges. Now....get this.....my ex, was kind and supportive of me through this and helpful as far as getting the vehicle out and working towards getting it fixed. He advised me to not let them tow it, just to leave it at his friends shop and we could see what to do from there...

I needed to go to the high school and pick up my daughter and take her to the police station and my ex told me to go ahead and he would handle the vehicle for me. I thanked him very much. He also kept me from hurting the boyfriend, you cannot imagine how mad I was...

At the police station it was determined the scoundrel had implied permission from my daughter, so it was not auto theft, however, my statement indicating a prior discussion where this kid knew he was not to ever drive this vehicle, may carry a bit of weight in the long run, it appears there are several other issues going on with this kid.....

After our statements were taken and my daughter got a bit of a lecture from a concerned police officer (who I am very thankful to for taking the time to talk to her), we were out the door. I talked to my ex husband, he indicated the damage doesn't appear to be too bad, some water damage, perhaps the rocker panel on the passenger side and it wouldn't start, probably because of water in the engine, maybe tomorrow we can assess the damage a little more and maybe it won't be so bad. My ex is going to call a guy to work on it, and seems to want to be involved in this situation. I thanked him again.

This evening my daughter texted her dad and thanked him for all of his help. His response, "it's what dad's do, I love you." Maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning of some healing in our family.

But I am still mad at the boyfriend.

OH and little Tonka, if it could have just held tight to the road for two more days.....it would have made it to one whole year since the last wreck.

This is not.....

2008-12-14T18:41:00.003-06:00

This is not just a sinus infection. I went to MedStat yesterday and was diagnosed with a sinus infection. A sinus infection so bad that he prescribed pain pills too. Throughout last night and today I have gotten much worse...I am not sure if I have something else too or if I am allergic to the antibiotic. If I feel like death warmed over again in the morning, I am going back to the doctor...

Terry Polston - Hero

2008-12-11T09:39:00.001-06:00

Our community suffered a great loss last week with the death of our beloved D.A.R.E. Officer Terry Polston. He touched thousands of lives, and each of us has one or more precious memory of him.

Mine came the night of my daughter's D.A.R.E. graduation and Officer Hawn selected her essay for her to read at graduation. She talked about how her dad's alcoholism has affected all of our lives and helped her to see what choices she should make. I was standing along the wall, tears streaming down my cheeks, Officer Polston came over to me, put his arm around me and whispered "Just be proud, Mom, be proud of your little girl, she is a fine young lady." I know am only one of thousands of parents that he reassured and comforted. He was a wonderful man and our community has truly suffered a great loss, but his legacy of love will live on.

Continue to keep his family in your prayers now as the dust settles and they are left with a big empty space in their lives going into the holiday season. I know he would not want them to be sad, but it will be so difficult for them.

What's on my tree Wednesday...

2008-12-09T22:51:00.004-06:00

Ok its time for what's on my tree Wednesday. This is one of my favorite ornaments. A long time ago, before I ever had kids, I sent out this Hallmark Christmas card just because it was so darned cute...

And now, I have three kids and I can tell you it changes on a daily basis as to which child has the crooked halo, but you can bet, when one is really bad, the other two are absolutely perfect.

Thanks Again Katie, for hosting this Blog Carnival!

funny budwiser snowball fight - horses

2008-12-06T17:17:00.001-06:00

hehehe

Christmas in the heart

2008-12-05T08:14:00.002-06:00

That search is on again this year. You know, the one I go on every year and it keeps getting more and more elusive, the search for Christmas in my heart.

I want so badly to be back to my old self at Christmas. The one who put a tree in every room of the house, the one who decorated every nook and cranny, the one who had Christmas music or Christmas movies on 24/7, the one who made corny Christmas crafts with the kids that later became my most prized treasures, the one who baked all kinds of cookies and treats from Thanksgiving on and went on little visits with the kids and delivered plates of Christmas goodies to special friends, the one who took goodies to the nursing homes to the residents who didn't have family near....I want to be that person again.

Life has changed so much and circumstances have changed so much. I have become so bitter and jaded that I don't let anyone inside to see the real me anymore and I don't let the real me peek out too often. I have the biggest heart of gold and would do anything to help someone in need, especially if they are a stranger, I have a much harder time opening up to those that are closest to me, you see, they are the ones who have the power to hurt me...

So with that said, how do I find Christmas in my heart again? I have been soul searching for the true meaning, and do you know what I am finding the true meaning to be? I am finding it is acknowledging the ones you love, letting them know how much they mean to you and then basking in the glow of knowing what special people you do have in your life. I have reconnected with a few this past week and its starting to feel more like Christmas.

Its not the gifts, or the decorations. Its time spent with the ones you truly love and making sure that they know how much you truly love them. That is Christmas.

What's on my tree Wednesday...

2008-12-03T10:00:00.009-06:00

Ok here we go, week two of What's on my tree Wednesday... I chose a little different ornament this week, and believe me, my decision was tough, I was just in taking a ton of pictures of ornaments on my tree, but I chose this specific one for the memories and good times it holds:

It's definitely hard to see, but its the memory that matters. This ornament was given to me in 1994 for being a designer in the Festival of Trees. The festival is held in our community each year as a fundraiser for the Home Health Care Foundation. Unfortunately, in my divorce I lost some things, and one of those things was my Christmas Tree photo album. I really wish I had it to look back over the trees I decorated. In 1994 I did my first tree with my sister, we had a lot of fun and it was a "Stars and Stripes" forever and we made all of the decorations on it. It was very cute.

1995 was a very difficult year, my grandmother passed away and I did a tree in honor of her and my grandfather. It was "Angels Among Us" and I did that tree all by myself and handmade each and every ornament on it. It was a labor of love and a lot of late nights crying my eyes out while I made the ornaments. It was also therapeutic and I came to terms with my loss.

The following year I did two trees. I did a big one for Miller's Merry Manor and I started in August and I went to the nursing home every Tuesday afternoon and I hosted the craft time with the residents and we made the ornaments for the trees. Some of the ladies had other ornaments and decorations they made and they entrusted me with their treasures for "our tree". I cannot begin to tell you what an enriching experience that was for me. The memories of the people will be forever etched in my heart.

One lady, oh my, she was such a spitfire, she would tell me how to do what we were going to do. She would call me at home and tell me what we should do the following week, such a pistol. She called me aside one day and she had a bag of "very special decorations" that she wanted on our tree, but there was a stipulation, I had to get them back to her by the day after Christmas because her family was all coming to visit her for Christmas on the 28th and they were the gifts she was giving them.

I felt so honored that she entrusted me with what was precious to her. As fate would have it, the day after Christmas I received a phone call that she had passed away that morning. She was up and getting ready for breakfast and just died. She went fast and painlessly. I was devastated, she was such a pistol, I knew going into the project that it could and would possibly happen, but she just wasn't the one I expected it to happen to so soon. So there I was left with this promise I had made and I had no idea of how to best keep the promise. The only thing I could do was to write a note to her family and wrap the ornaments in a box and take them to them at the funeral home. I did, I gave them to her son and told the story and do you know I received a thank you note from each and every member of that family thanking me for keeping my promise to Tillie.

The other tree I did that year was called "Christmas by the Sea!" I loved the idea, hated the tree. I fought tooth and nail with that tree every step of the way. I never was happy with the way it looked. The night of the preview party, I actually climbed over the roped area and went in and started messing with the tree some more. My husband grabbed my arm and pulled me back and told me to just stand and look at it and see what everyone else was seeing...I had no idea what he meant, I looked at him, the tree and him again, so then he redirected me to the stand showing the title, the designer, sponsor, etc of the tree and then I saw it, the first place ribbon for the most original tree....you just never know!

The following years I have judged, hosted kids craft days and most recent years I just enjoy being a spectator....but who knows, maybe one of these days....

I want to thank Katie at This Crazy Life for hosting this blog carnival and making me go down memory lane and leading me back to Christmas in my heart.

2008-11-30T08:53:00.002-06:00

Today: Snow. High near 35. East wind around 10 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. Total daytime snow accumulation of around 5 inches.

Tonight: Snow likely. Cloudy, with a low around 30. North wind around 10 mph. Chance of precipitation is 70%. New snow accumulation of less than a half inch possible.

Monday: Snow showers likely. Cloudy, with a high near 34. Northwest wind between 10 and 15 mph. Chance of precipitation is 70%. Little or no snow accumulation expected.

Monday Night: A 30 percent chance of snow showers before 1am. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 21. West wind between 10 and 15 mph.

And of course.....my kids are wishing for a .....

2008-11-27T10:26:00.000-06:00

What's on my tree Wednesday...

2008-11-26T07:14:00.002-06:00

Katie at This Crazy Life is hosting a weekly blog carnival featuring our favorite Christmas Tree Ornaments each week. Of course I am participating. I need to "find" Christmas again, and I think this might help. My tree is not up yet. I will do all of the other decorating over this holiday weekend and put the tree together and light it so that when the boys return home from their dad's on Sunday evening we can decorate it as a family.

As you know I got a little excited when my daughter got her tree up already and posted about that. And besides, its her tree with her ornaments, so I technically shouldn't post about her ornaments. I am however going to post about our "Christmas Fairy". It started a few years ago when my sister did a fairy tree. One particular fairy on the tree "bothered" Kelsay and she would remove it and hide it. My sister would find it in strange places and put it back on the tree. Then it became a game to move it around and use it to "terrorize" Kelsay with. When I moved into our new home, my sister gave me the fairy. That thing shows up in the strangest places because Kelsay hides it everytime she finds it. I now keep it hid for opportune times to bring it out. So it lives the majority of its life in hiding.

Dying Boy's Last Wish Granted

2008-11-25T11:27:00.001-06:00

There is a wonderful new angel in heaven looking over all of us, Brendan died last Friday morning.

Kelsay's Pink Flamingo Tree

2008-11-24T23:39:00.001-06:00

One Christmas tree is up! I will redo this with better pictures tomorrow, but I just couldn't wait to share!

Very Sad

2008-11-23T22:23:00.002-06:00

Today I received a text message from my oldest son while he was at his dad's for the weekend. A friend of the family for a long time passed away last night. He was young with his whole life ahead of him and left a young son behind. The circumstances surrounding his death were bad decisions he made in his life recently. Decisions that ultimately cost him his life.

My two boys are shook up by this. I am shook up by this. The young man who passed away was the young man moms want their sons to grow up to be. He was handsome, he was charming, he was a hardworker, he adored his son, he had a personality that just drew people to him. He took the time to stop and talk and LISTEN to everyone. His life turned down the wrong road and unfortunately got the better of him. Its so very sad. I can't imagine running into Leesburg and not running into him anymore. He always had a hug and a kiss for me and words of encouragement. Such wise words from someone so young.

My heart breaks for his family and more than anything for his precious little boy who will grow up having a hard time remembering his daddy, and will miss knowing the wonderful man he truly was.

My oldest son is really struggling with this. I also shared a couple of days ago my concern for my son in that he is a yes man and does not wish to hurt anyone's feelings. I fear this could work against him and I fear he could easily follow in his father's footsteps and let alcohol take hold of his life. I asked him to honor the memory of our friend by remembering how his choices cost him his life and hurt so many people left behind to pick up the pieces. Pick up the pieces of what did not have to be. I begged my son to take a long hard look at this and apply it positively to his own life. Then I told him I love him. I can still do that.

I would be oh so very dissappointed....

2008-11-23T08:14:00.004-06:00

I was just reading the news this morning and discovered many talk shows are scrambling to get Sarah Palin on for an interview. In fact she has become very high demand. However, one of the hosts requesting her to be on their show absolutely has me stumped. Oprah as you may recalled shunned her before the election. Women across America were screaming for Oprah to have her on her show. But of course, due to Obama, Oprah absolutely ingnored the request of her fans. I have never been hooked into the talk show craze, I have seen a couple of the Oprah shows in the past and have read the magazine a couple of times out of sheer boredom. The woman has never really tripped my trigger so to speak - but nonetheless, I DID respect her and all of her causes. She is a powerful voice for women -and obviously men too - everywhere - but get real folks, she shunned Sarah Palin when she could have at least granted an interview on the show. But, well, we know why that didn't happen. But NOW she would like for Sarah Palin to appear on her show?!?!?! I can't tell you how truly disappointed I will be if that should happen.

Small Fryday Contest!??!??!??!

2008-11-22T08:32:00.002-06:00

I have a confession to make. I am turning into a blog junkie. Wait. No. You already knew that. I have been a blog junkie for quite some time. In the past few months, I expanded my horizons somewhat and discovered facebook, then through facebook I discovered some old friends.

One very near and dear to my heart friend that I had lost contact with...Miss Katie at This Crazy Life has been a Godsend to me. I used to babysit this little girl and once I found her blog I read the whole thing in one night and caught up on a lot of her life that I missed once I married. Through Katie I have found several other refreshing blogs that have mysteriously worked together the renew my faith in God, which is something I needed desperately as I continue my struggles as a single mom with an ex-husband who is playing with the hearts and minds of our precious children.

With Katie being much younger than me, somehow I feel I have almost slipped into a role of a somewhat older and wiser mom who can offer reassurance to Katie and some of her other bloggy friends. With three kids, I have "been there and done that"! I think some of my most valuable advice thus far would just have to be the duct tape for boys diapers, as long as you are careful not to get the tape onto the skin! ;)

Anyway, the reason for this post is another blog that I found through Katie and I have followed it for 3 months or so.... is My Charming Kids on this wonderful blog you will find the wonderful story of a miracle. You will see and learn first hand the power of prayer. I cannot tell you the many wonderful ways MckMama and her family have touched my heart and relit the candle inside of me. She will never know how truly grateful I am to her. You really need to check this one blog out if you do nothing else, your heart will be forever engraved with her words and her beautiful family. MckMama is hosting a contest to draw more visitors to her blog, and this is so unlike me, but I am on this bandwagon...

I know some think of us bloggers as foolish and think we are lost in the cyber world, but I have to tell you, when I am at work each day and take my breaks, I take a blog break rather than a smoke break - so you tell me, how healthy is that!?!?!?! My blog has enriched my life by giving me a place to not only vent, but to learn what things in this life I am truly passionate about, by revealing myself to others, I have revealed my true self to me, and it is refreshing to know what I stand for and what I believe and what I want in this life for my kids and for myself. I have learned I am not alone in my beliefs and there others out there who just get it!

So please, take a moment and visit MckMama, You will not ever regret it.

Ya Live, Ya Learn

2008-11-21T07:59:00.005-06:00

When I signed on the computer this morning, I was greeted by this odd Google logo:

I couldn't quite figure out what it was, I am a little dense sometimes you see, but when I hovered my mouse over it I discovered it is René François-Ghislain Magritte's 108th birthday. Ok. So I clicked on it and found more information than I was probably looking for but Wikipedia was chock full of information of course! Below are two pictures that I believe contributed in large part to the google logo for today:

Ok. So now you know, ya live, ya learn! Isn't there a song about it raining men???

My Kids

2008-11-19T13:58:00.003-06:00

I love my kids so much it hurts. I want nothing but the best for them. I try oh so hard to give them the things they need and add in a few of the things they want as often as possible. Lately its been difficult to just come up with the things they need. As they grow older, it seems everything they need becomes so much more expensive. I do think they understand that I am doing the best that I can in that department and no one goes to bed cold or hungry, and no one awakes with nothing to wear the next morning. So we have those three beasts conquered. They may not have what they WANT to wear, but they have what they NEED.

I worry so much as they are growing up. I worry about their choices they will make. I worry about if I have given them enough guidance and a good foundation to make the right decisions. Maybe I just like to worry. When they are hurting, I hurt too.

My heart breaks a thousand times a day for my daughter and the wrongs her dad has done to her. She did nothing wrong except to be a little girl who wanted to be with her daddy and he slammed the door in her face. As I work on her order for graduation my heart breaks to go ahead and make plans and plan on her dad just ignoring this special event in her life. I think of the special days to come in her life and wonder if she and her dad will ever make peace. Every girl wants to be daddy's little girl and he has taken that from her. I can't make it right and I can't replace him. I offer as much as I can and do the best I can and I pray she will be ok.

I worry so much about my older son. He wants to make everyone happy. He is a "yes man", he will tell you exactly what you want to hear so as not to hurt your feelings. This concerns me very much because by doing that I fear he has lost himself in the shuffle of trying to be what everyone expects of him or wants for him. This has become painfully evident during the course of this latest legal battle with my exhusband. He filed for custody of this son because I filed for an increase in child support. It is so obvious as to why he filed for custody, to reduce child support, not because he truly loves his son. And if it was truly because he loves this child, why would he select only one of his children? How can he shun one child and adore another and pay minimal attention to the third one? These are things I don't understand. And these are things I do not know how to explain to my kids.

I don't worry too much about the little guy yet. I am sure he will give me his fair share of gray hairs too, but for now he is on even keel and his biggest concern is how to best divide his time fairly amongst all of his family members.

I love my kids, I love each of their unique personalities, I am oh so proud of each and every one of them and I hope they know and understand this even when I am "mean mommy" and/or
DragonLady."

So I have been tagged

2008-11-16T08:40:00.012-06:00

So I have been tagged to list seven all time favorite albums. This I will do, but I am not going to tag anyone else, if you wish to participate, go right ahead. I had a hard time narrowing it to just seven... The Matchbox 20 cd I will always refer to as my divorce cd. I listened to it a lot during the time that we were first split up.

PLaYinG aGaiN

2008-11-13T22:38:00.006-06:00

OK. Yes I have been goofing off tonight and revamping my blog. I wanted to change it over to a Christmas Background but I fear if I go too holidayish I might get busy and it could be stuck on a Christmas tree background or something until next April, and well, that would just be embarassing. But I think this at least looks kind of wintery and we know I like changing things up. The plus side to this revamping the blog thing is that I am not moving furniture and it kind of gives the same "high" I get from rearranging a room. Which you would be surprised at just how often I do that. Problem is, I tend to get hurt when I decide to move furniture, revamping a blog is relatively painless!

So on to another similar topic. I am loving my home office. One day soon I will blog about my entire ordeal with the arched window in my office that lets in too much light in the early mornings. It was a painful and frustrating ordeal that I am just not quite ready or able to completely put into words, but I will one day soon, I might even take pictures.......mebbe not.

Working at home is great. The kids have commented on how much better my mood is. You see, I can do laundry all day while I am working...and I am getting caught up on that and I can start dinner and have a decent meal with my kids in the evening. Without being totally stressed out. When they get home from school, I try to be at a point in my work where I can just stop and talk with them about their day. It is so cool, you have no idea. I have a comfy leather loveseat and chair with ottoman in my office and they just kick back and talk my ears off. The biggest problem is reminding them to quiet down when the phone rings, it is after all a business phone. But we are working on that.

During the day, I get to choose what music I want to listen to. Very way cool. I keep the tv off, I am afraid I would just be drawn into the other room to watch it. Besides I can get my news updates and blog fixes online as I work, I quite often have my laptop over to the side with messenger on while I am busy working on the other computer, this way I still feel like I am in touch with the outside world and it dings me when I get an email. And the cool thing is if its cold and dreary and I want to stay in my pajamas I can. So far I haven't though, I make an effort to get my shower and get dressed and be in the office and working by 8. (I have been coming in early every day so far!)

I have to give an honorable mention to Katie at This Crazy Life Because I have taken so much from her blog and learned so much from her blog. (Did I mention that I have known this munchkin since she was a baby? I used to babysit this wonderful kid!) I have found some other really incredible blogs that I am dying to link to, but I don't want to look like a stalker or something. I did add My Charming Kids because its awesome, warning, I was reduced to tears. Katie has some other really cool links for adoptive families that are also very heartwarming. But speaking of Katie, I haven't seen or heard from her since I emailed her the buckeye recipe, methinks she is lost in her kitchen!

Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Christmas Canon Rock

2008-11-12T11:25:00.001-06:00

So Maggie and I are hard at work today and trying to get a little into the upcoming Holiday Season, so we are listening to TSO and working really hard.....well at least I am, Maggie wore herself out!

Maggie wore herself out

2008-11-12T11:22:00.003-06:00

Maggie done wore herself out for the day!

The Lego King

2008-11-10T06:23:00.003-06:00

I live with the 9 yr old Lego King. We have 1000s of legos everywhere. All kinds of kits that he has built. He is now into the Mars Mission line of legos. My sister and brother-in-law just bought him the deluxe, special edition Mars Mission set for helping them work on their home in Marion that they are getting ready to put on the market. (My sister had sold it on land contract and got it back in a shambles.) And my son has been going down with them and painting and working and has earned a couple of lego sets. Not to mention the overnight stay at a hotel with a swimming pool.

So last night when he returned from a weekend at his dad's his brand new Mars Mission lego set was here. I had to pry him away from it to get him to bed. He has a tendency to just get lost in the project and stay with it until its complete. This morning I went upstairs at 6:45 to get his sister up for coop and then school, and he popped out of bed wanting to know if he can work on his legos. I made him take his shower, eat breakfast and get dressed for school first because he will now work on this until the very last minute that he can before the bus comes at 8:30.

I do love watching him work on these kits though, not the typical male species, he sorts the pieces and follows the instructions step by step. He used to do this with the Bionocles and Transformers before he could even read! What a kid.

Taylor Swift and Def Lepperd performing Photograph

2008-11-08T09:22:00.001-06:00

What an unexpected mix.

Home Office

2008-11-06T09:05:00.006-06:00

Over the weekend I moved my office into my home. I love working from home and apparently the cats like it too. They keep me company thats for sure! The office took over my living room which resulted in us having to move the sofa up onto the "catwalk", this morning I caught the two "kittens" taking in a view from the top and I thought it was just too hilarious to not capture.

I missed a great opportunity last night, Mikey was sitting on my desk in front of my computer watching the screen saver. I went to get the camera but then he moved...I was going to send it to my mom and sister and tell them he was our newest employee. As I am adding this post, Mercedes (not pictured) is laying in my chair, Mikey the dark colored cat is laying on my desk, and Maggie (the one green eye, one blue eyed kitty, is sitting on the loveseat with me. Yes, they really do like having me home with them all day!

Cute Animals,

2008-11-05T06:26:00.001-06:00

To the tune of, "Why Can't We Be Friends"... It's time to lighten up and get back to life and stuff...

I won't lie....

2008-11-04T22:09:00.002-06:00

I won't lie, I am very disappointed in the election results. I did not expect to get so emotional. I fear what is in the future for our country. However, I am not a sore loser, just a sad one at this point, but I will stand behind our president and believe in his decisions, just as I did all other presidents before him.

The people have voted and the decision is made, so now its onward and upward and let's hope for the best for everyone.

National Election Results

2008-11-04T17:49:00.001-06:00

Indiana Results

2008-11-04T17:47:00.001-06:00

Proud To Be An American Laser Show (God Bless the USA)

2008-11-04T15:30:00.001-06:00

Regardless of the election outcome, I am still proud to be an American.

Obama Pastor: God Damn America

2008-11-04T07:53:00.001-06:00

If nothing else is making you think...watch this, this man is a close personal friend and inspiration to Barack Obama, 20 years of sitting in his pew...

One Vote

2008-11-04T05:56:00.001-06:00

Hey you can watch these videos all day, or yep, you guessed it, you can GO VOTE!!!

Makes sense to me.....

2008-11-04T05:54:00.001-06:00

Does just one vote count?

2008-11-04T05:42:00.001-06:00

'Nuf said

Just Vote!

2008-11-04T05:34:00.002-06:00

I voted last Friday, I thought I would be avoiding the lines that way, but guess what, I waited in line for 45 minutes. But it was so worth it.

Riots are fears, emotions running too high.

2008-11-03T06:15:00.004-06:00

This year's election is indeed unique and different. It has been earmarked from the get go with the possibility of a first woman president, and then replaced with the possibility of the first black president. It has been an election that has been very devisive. Many voters have felt somewhat indifferent and not too particularly fond of either choice. Truthfully, no matter who wins the election, there is an ugly road ahead for them. Quite possibly in the first four years they may do very little to fix the problems we are dealing with simply for the fact that to fix these problems, the changes that will have to take place will come from the pockets of all of the American people. Taxes will have to increase to get out of the mess we are in. Plain and simple.

Whoever wins this election is not going to want to do that so much, because they will lose the popular vote of the people and will have a hard time seeking re-election in 2012. But you know, that is my own personal opinion and as you know - we all have our own personal opinion.

I also have a strong conviction that come Wednesday morning, no matter who has won the election, Wednesday is the day that Americans need to unite as one, climb on the bandwagon together and support the person that has won by popular vote. At that point (well actually in January) they will be our leader and we will then need to follow and support our leader. That is not to say our voices should go unheard, but we still need to support the President, whoever it may be.

Many cities across the united states are preparing for riots Tuesday evening depending on the outcome of the election. The reports I am finding indicate the fear the outbreak will come if Obama would lose. Read this and this . Does this scare anyone besides me? And I am not so sure that it would happen only in Obama would lose, I think emotions are high enough now and people are so divided and passionate about the issue, I think it could happen either way the outcome falls.

These are truly sad and scary times. I so wish the future of our country looked a little more promising, but the writing on the wall indicates its going to take awhile to fix this mess we are in.

Take the time

2008-11-01T18:51:00.000-06:00

After reading some other blogs this evening, you may have witnessed me stepping up onto my soapbox. And well, you all know me, when I have something on my mind, I tend to share it. I received this in an email the other day and I found it to be very powerful stuff. I think it is worth the time and effort to read it and process it for yourself and then go vote.

Make Everyday Safe, not just Halloween

2008-10-29T19:04:00.001-06:00

Editor's Note: I have moved these two posts to the top of my blog just to remind everyone to keep our children safe not only this Halloween, but every day.

As parents, we do all that we can do keep our kids safe. Sometimes we like to think ignorance is bliss, but not always. And some things there is just no reason to not be aware of. Be very aware of your neighborhood and surroundings. People who live in your neighborhood who come into contact with your children. You would be amazed at the travels of a child in the course of a half hour or so within your own neighborhood on a bicycle with friends.

I am fortunate to live in a great neighborhood. And I am stunned sometimes when neighbors tell me of conversations or incidents they have had with my children. This is why I have a link to the sex offender registry here on my website. I check it often and I am on the list to have alerts sent to me if an offender should happen to move into my neighborhood. This is an area we need to always be on the alert for the sake of our children.

This Halloween, local enforcement agencies are helping to protect our children from predators, unfortunately, this program is only for the predators who have been caught and we are already aware of, as parents, we still need to exercise caution and make sure to accompany our children as they venture out for an evening or Halloween fun and gathering treats.

I encourage you to add the sex offender registry to your favorites list or blog and stay aware of your surroundings. Be safe this Halloween and every day and keep your children safe too!

National Sex Offender Registry

2008-10-29T19:03:00.000-06:00

Family Watch Dog Bookmark this link and use it. I pulled the following facts off of the Family Watchdog website:

The sad facts about sex offenses and those that perpetrate them.

impact on society.

1 of 5 girls will be sexually molested before her 18th birthday.
1 of 6 boys will be sexually molested before his 18th birthday.
1 of 5 children have been propositioned for sex over the Internet.
2 of 3 sexual abuses are perpetrated against teenagers or younger children.
90% of sexual assaults are committed against someone the perpetrator knows.
The median age for male molestation victims under 18 is 9.8 years old.
The median age for female molestation victims under 18 is 9.6 years old.
There are new 400,000 victims of sexual assault every year.
There are over 550,000 registered sex offenders in the US.
There are over 100,000 sex offenders that fail to register in the US.
76% of serial rapists claim they were molested as children.
Over 40% of male juvenile delinquents were molested as children.

This website and the Indiana Sex Offender Registry are two great services provided to us free of charge to help us protect the safety of our children. When you have some down time, do yourself a huge favor and make yourself aware. Peruse these websites. Map your own address and search the radius around your home. Search further. Look to see who these people are and where they are working and living. I did this the other day after AWB brought to light the sex offender clusters. I was shocked at some of the things I found. I found one offender who I have dealt with in business and did not know he was a molester. He does not have his place of employment registered. He works in a business that takes him into residential settings on a daily basis. It scared the hell out of me because I almost invited him into my home to do some work.

Please use these tools and be very aware. Our children are the most precious possessions we have, and they are only on loan for us to keep care of and protect.

Posted by Lucy.

Women Getting Very Emotional

2008-10-28T18:59:00.002-06:00

This article was sent to me yesterday regarding women and politics. A year ago, my mother and I were not able to have a political discussion. We were on opposite sides you see, and her justification for wanting to see Hillary as the next president was only because she was a woman. And when trying to reason with her, she would resort to discussing the war and crying. (Emotional) It came to be we just disagreed and didn't discuss it.

As you know, I had very little respect for Hillary as a woman, it was simple, she let me and women everywhere down when she stayed with Bill during the Monica orderal. Hillary is a strong powerful woman who can make it with or without him and she should have taken that stance for women everywhere. (Emotional)

Actually, when it came down to McCain vs Obama, I was very disheartened. I was going to vote for the lesser of two evils and remain loyal to my convictions. (Unhappy emotions)

Enter Sarah Palin. She struck a chord with me. At first it was indeed and perhaps still is, emotional. I still strongly say....she is living life in full color. I have a son who may choose to enter into the service of our country....she gets that, she understands. I have a 17 yr old daughter, she gets that, she understands. I am trying to live on a budget that goes less and less far each week. She gets that, she understands. I get that and I understand that she is the most down to earth candidate we have ever seen, she can relate to the largest majority of Americans. She will bring a different point of view and insight to the table and I believe it is exactly what America needs right now.

As for the mother daughter rift that was taking place within my family. My mother is terrified of the idea of Obama as president. She is changing tickets this year. My daughter is telling me now that the Book of Revelation has frightened her of her democratic proclamation she made earlier....she is now for the McCain-Palin ticket, if only she were old enough to vote! (Don't pounce on me, that last comment was made in fun, she has yet to truly figure out her political beliefs, all I want her to do is to research, listen and decide for herself.)

Dear Mr. Obama

2008-10-28T18:00:00.001-06:00

Powerful

I could almost be miffed about this...

2008-10-28T11:34:00.002-06:00

An email today for the Sarah Palin Rally in Jeffersonville.....you can do the RSVP online just like you could for the Fort Wayne Rally but this time you can PRINT YOUR TICKETS!!! Man oh man, how much less stressful my life would have been last Thursday and Friday! Oh well, there are those who are miffed at me for my luck in arriving early and getting in line at my leisure and then getting in and seated...

Sarah Palin in Fort Wayne - tld

2008-10-27T09:30:00.001-06:00

It was a great rally!

A plea to my fellow bloggers

2008-10-24T09:56:00.001-06:00

The tides worked against me yesterday, and inspite of my best efforts, phone calls and emails, I failed to obtain a ticket to see Sarah in Fort Wayne on Saturday. Originally I needed 4 to take my daughter and my parents, then I just needed two, for my daughter and I, and now, she doesn't care if she goes or not, so if anyone has just one ticket they could spare, well, it would be greatly appreciated.

Sarah Coming to Fort Wayne

2008-10-22T14:48:00.004-06:00

According to the Journal Gazette Sarah Palin will be in Fort Wayne this Saturday. It is my intent to get tickets and get there and see what she has to say.

Visions of pink and white....

2008-10-19T13:32:00.003-06:00

Today I planted my flower bulbs out around my deck. I have visions of pink and white tulips and pink and white daffodils dancing in my head for next spring! I can't wait, I am already ready for next spring and summer, I have plans of it being the year that I create some really pretty flower gardens. I have not had the patience or desire in the past few years to mess with outside flowers but I did more this past year and guess what? I found it to be therapeutic. Maybe its just what I need!

A 9 yr old's point of view

2008-10-18T12:41:00.004-06:00

My little guy and I had an interesting conversation last evening. His two older siblings had other plans for the evening so it left just he and I to hang out. We were driving into town and out of the clear blue he says to me,

"Mom, if Obama wins I think a lot of people are going to move out of country and we are going to end up having no money." Huh? Where did that come from? Of course I had to probe into that statement, because, believe it or not, at this point I had no political discussions with him, I have been too focused on figuring things out myself and trying to understand where my daughter is coming from.

So my youngest son goes on to tell me if he works really hard and makes $1000 a day, he is going to end up with only about $200 for all of his hard work while four other people who did nothing all day end up with the same amount. (Did I mention this kid is 9 years old?)

He went on to say, in his words..."the whole plan is gay". Now I wasn't too crazy about his choice of words, but nonetheless, he gets it. He said, "Mom I want to be rich someday, I want to work hard and have nice things, I will just have to go live somewhere else, why would I want to live here?" (Is the air sucked out of your lungs yet?)

The greatest country on earth, so let's change it???

This whole conversation with my son hit home harder last night when I read this post .

This is what I hear when I really listen to Obama

2008-10-16T07:25:00.004-06:00

As I listened to the political debate last night, when I truly tuned in and listened to Obama, I heard him very eloquently tell me in the future I am going to work my ass off and give everything I have equally to everyone else, including the ones who do nothing. Where is the American dream in this? What is the point in having a dream and following it only to give it to everyone???

Communism
A system of government in which the state plans and controls the
economy and a single, often authoritarian party holds power, claiming to
make
progress toward a higher social order in which all goods are equally
shared by
the people. American Heritage Dictionary

I am sorry folks, but there it is, plain and simple. You elect a Democrat President with congress being controlled by the Democrats and we can all watch our dreams go down the toliet. Because like it or not, someone is going to be paying for all of the free stuff somewhere, and its going to be the working folks!

Halloween is going to stink this year!

2008-10-13T11:01:00.002-06:00

OUCH!

2008-10-09T19:57:00.003-06:00

Two summers ago I was rearranging furniture in my bedroom and went to move one of the white recliners and ran over my big toe with it. I peeled back most of the toenail, had blood every, got woozy and the whole nine yards. I resorted to calling my sister bawling my eyes out and she advised me to go to my mom's and have her bandage it up for me. So I went to Mom's crying and carrying on like a two year old and it took her and my stepdad to settle me down and get me all bandaged up. This was at the beginning of the summer and I hobbled for days and wore flip flops the entire summer. I think it was sometime in August when the nail finally fell off and it was almost an entire year before it grew back in. I was convinced that it wasn't going to grow back in at all. So, why I am I telling you this story now? Well....

Just a little bit ago, I was moving furniture in my bedroom again, moving the recliner again, and guess what I did again? Yeppers! Same toe even. This time I didn't call my mom or my sister. Instead I called my son on his cell phone, he was all the way upstairs in his room you see, and there was no way I was going up the stairs, what with the bloody mess and all...

Let's just smile today.

2008-10-08T05:26:00.001-06:00

2008 week 5

2008-10-04T09:48:00.006-06:00

This week includes the point spread!
Sunday, Oct. 5

Buffalo Bills 17 at
Arizona Cardinals 41 (-1.5)

AWB ~ Cardinals
JR ~ Bills
TZ ~

Tennessee Titans 13 (-2.5) at
Baltimore Ravens 10

AWB ~ Titans
JR ~ Ravens
TZ ~

Kansas City Chiefs 0 at
Carolina Panthers 34 (-9.5)

AWB ~ Panthers
JR ~ Kansas
TZ ~

Indianapolis Colts 31 (-2.5) at
Houston Texans 27

AWB ~ Colts
JR ~ Colts
TZ ~

San Diego Chargers 10 (-6.5) at
Miami Dolphins 17

AWB ~ San Diego
JR ~ San Diego
TZ ~

Chicago Bears 34 (-3.5) at
Detroit Lions 7

AWB ~ Chicago
JR ~ Chicago
TZ ~

Atlanta Falcons 27 at
Green Bay Packers 24 (Off?)

AWB ~ Green Bay
JR ~ Green Bay
TZ ~

Seattle Seahawks 6 at
New York Giants 44 (-6.5)

AWB ~ New York
JR ~ Seattle
TZ ~

Washington Redskins 23 at
Philadelphia Eagles 17 (-5.5)

AWB ~ Philly
JR ~ Philly
TZ ~

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 13 at
Denver Broncos 16 (-2.5)

AWB ~ Denver
JR ~ Denver
TZ ~

Cincinnati Bengals 22 at point spread
Dallas Cowboys 31 (-16.5)

AWB ~ Dallas
JR ~ Dallas
TZ ~

New England Patriots 30 (-2.5) at
San Francisco 49ers 21

AWB ~ Patriots
JR ~ New England
TZ ~

Pittsburgh Steelers 26 at
Jacksonville Jaguars 21 (-3.5)

AWB ~ Jacksonville

JR ~ Pittsburgh
TZ ~

Monday, Oct. 6
Minnesota Vikings at
New Orleans Saints (-3.5)

AWB ~ Minnesota
JR ~ New Orleans
TZ ~

Bye week: St. Louis Rams, New York Jets, Cleveland Browns, Oakland Raiders

If you want to join in on the fun, just comment here and I will add your picks into the post.

So I totally suck this week, AWB kicked my butt, at this point without the Monday night game he won 8-5!!!

Think about it...

2008-10-02T07:56:00.007-06:00

FOUR THINGS YOU CANNOT RECOVER

Author Unknown, but I thought it was definitely something to ponder.

Ho Hum Blues

2008-10-01T22:13:00.003-06:00

I have been laying low and dealing with the ho hum blues.

I met with my attorney Monday morning to work on our plan of defense in the child custody dispute. As we were finalizing our plan, there was a knock on the door, the morning mail had arrived with a letter regarding my case. The last appointed judge has withdrawn from our case.

My ex filed a motion for a new judge, a new judge was appointed and he withdrew from the case....and the other two have followed suit. Now we have to wait for a new panel of judges to be presented and we are going to go out of county. Do you see my attorney fees going up and up and up?

Not to mention, this whole case has been taking a toll on all of us and now we are in limbo for who knows how long.

Ok. Thats my report from never never land.

OK - it's time to play....

2008-09-25T11:46:00.009-06:00

Sunday, Sept. 28

Straight up bet, no spread.

Cleveland Browns at 20

Cincinnati Bengals 12

AWB - Cincinnati Bengals

~JR~ Cincy

TZ - Cincy

Houston Texans at 27

Jacksonville Jaguars 30

AWB - Houston Texans

~JR~ Houston

TZ - Jacksonville

Denver Broncos at 19

Kansas City Chiefs 33

AWB - Denver Broncos

~JR~ KC

TZ - Denver

Atlanta Falcons at 9

Carolina Panthers 24

AWB - Carolina Panther

~JR~ Carolina

TZ - Carolina

Arizona Cardinals at 35

New York Jets 56

AWB - New York Jets

~JR~ Jets

TZ - Jets

San Francisco 49ers at 17

New Orleans Saints 31

AWB - New Orleans Saints

~JR~ New Orleans

TZ - Saints

Green Bay Packers at 21

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 30

AWB - Green Bay Packers

~JR~ Packers

TZ - Green Bay

Minnesota Vikings at 17

Tennessee Titans 30

AWB - Tennessee Titans

~JR~ Vikings

TZ - Titans

San Diego Chargers at 28

Oakland Raiders 18

AWB - Oakland Raiders

~JR~ San Diego

TZ - Chargers

Buffalo Bills at 31

St. Louis Rams 14

AWB - St. Louis Rams

~JR~ St Louis

TZ - Buffalo

Washington Redskins at 26

Dallas Cowboys 24

AWB - Dallas Cowboys

~JR~ Dallas

TZ - Dallas

Philadelphia Eagles at 20

Chicago Bears 24

AWB - Chicago Bears

~JR~ Bears

TZ - Philly

Monday, Sept. 29

Baltimore Ravens at 20

Pittsburgh Steelers 23

AWB - Baltimore Ravens

~JR~ Ravens

TZ - Pittsburgh

Bye week: New York Giants, Detroit Lions, Miami Dolphins, Seattle Seahawks, New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts

AWB - 6

~JR~ 7

TZ - 9

So there you have it folks, Tim kicked our butts this week. Next week we will add in the point spreads.

Go Colts

2008-09-21T13:29:00.003-06:00

Anytime you all get brave enough, I am willing to post the weekly football schedule and we can all bet for fun!

What a weekend......

2008-09-21T12:41:00.002-06:00

This was my weekend to have the boys. We have been busy all weekend, working around the yard, house and on the vehicles. My oldest son waxed both of the cars and has been mowing and tinkering around and having a great time.

This morning we all went to church together. As we were all standing together in the pew and I looked down the row, me and my kids and my daughter's boyfriend - I smiled. I smiled with pride at how beautiful they all are. How much I love them. What they mean to me. What we have been through together and where we are now.

I offered up a word of thanks during the praise and worship time. Then the tears came again.....this time the fear of losing part of my family. The great sadness that someone is trying so hard to destroy what we have become. This is all just killing me.

I hate all of this. How it is all making me weak. How one person can be so selfish to only look at the bottom dollar and not see what he is doing to his kids.

Ok.

2008-09-18T12:48:00.002-06:00

Ok. I am done with my pity party. It is what it is. I have been down this custody road before and I prevailed. I will do as the judge says this time around too.

I had to have my crying session. (Well several, but the worst was Tuesday.) This enables me to cleanse my spirit in a way and then step back and look at it all fresh and new.

I will find a way to make my voice heard and see that all facts are presented. As long as I am assured the judge has a clear picture I can be sure he will do what is best for my child, all of my children, and the family as a whole.

A special thank you to AWB for letting me have my crying spell and listening to my reasonable and unreasonable and at times incoherent thoughts, Katie for her compassion and understanding and Jennifer for a new and fresh point of view. (Katie, I will address the smile award over the weekend, but thank you and know that you and your family are in my prayers right now.)

I have been debating...

2008-09-16T16:31:00.003-06:00

I have really been debating about doing this post. I have opted to go forth with it because I look at this blog as my personal journal and sometimes just blogging is very therapeutic for me.

Its no secret I am divorced and raising three kids. I face daily challenges in this life and sometimes it gets tough. Right now its really tough.

I filed for a modification in child support back in January. My ex has been dragging it ever since then. In the process his attorney quit on him. He told my attorney he couldn't reason with him and was tired of all of his milarky.

This summer there was an incident while my youngest son was spending a week with his dad in which poor judgment was exercised amongst my ex and his employees who were drinking and horsing around after work. My youngest son was literally given a swirly by a 24 yr old man. My son called me and told me as he was crying hysterically. I called my ex and asked what was going on and he was drunk and told me my son deserved it. I asked to come and get him and he said no. So I called the police for a welfare check on my son.

Less than a month following this incident my ex filed for custody of our oldest son. Keep in mind, my ex has not exercised visitation or any type of communication with our oldest daughter for almost 5 years. She can't get along with his girlfriend so he has disowned her. He does not acknowledge holidays or birthdays.

So see if you follow this. He doesn't see our daughter. My youngest is punished with swirlys and is told he deserves it. (My ex even told the officer our 9 yr old son deserved it.) And he wants custody of my oldest son. He was denied last time he tried and was told to take alcohol management classes. He did not do this.

It appears to be a cut and dried case in black and white that no judge in his right mind would grant this request.

But what if he does?

I have spent the last couple of weeks sick to my stomach every day with a black cloud hanging over my head and crying myself to sleep. If I could honestly say that it is a good living environment at my ex's I would not fight this.

My son is 16. He is at a crossroad between boy and man and is making life long decisions. There are too many negative factors in that home. I am not perfect either. My house is not spotless. I am terrible at homework with the kids. I don't cook every single night, we eat out more often than we should. But I am with my kids every night through the week and on the weekends when they are here. My daughter and I are very close.

I know my kids. I know what they like. I know what they dislike. I know where they go to school, what grade they are in and who their teachers are. I know their friends. I know their birthdays.

So if any of you have any extra prayers to spare, pray for the judge who will reign over our case that he will make the best decision for the three of our kids together as a whole and as the family they have become.

Are ya all ready to play yet?

2008-09-12T11:37:00.003-06:00

Sunday, Sept. 14

Tennessee Titans at

Cincinnati Bengals

~JR~ Tennessee Titans

Buffalo Bills at

Jacksonville Jaguars

~JR~ Buffalo Bills

Oakland Raiders at

Kansas City Chiefs

~JR~ Chiefs

Indianapolis Colts at

Minnesota Vikings

~JR~ Colts

Chicago Bears at

Carolina Panthers

~JR~ Bears

Green Bay Packers at

Detroit Lions

~JR~ Green Bay

New York Giants at

St. Louis Rams

~JR~ Rams

New Orleans Saints at

Washington Redskins

~JR~ Saints

Atlanta Falcons at

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

~JR~ Atlanta

San Francisco 49ers at

Seattle Seahawks

~JR~ Seattle

New England Patriots at

New York Jets

~JR~ Patriots

San Diego Chargers at

Denver Broncos

~JR~ San Diego

Miami Dolphins at

Arizona Cardinals

~JR~ Arizona

Baltimore at

Houston Texans

~JR~ Baltimore

Pittsburgh Steelers at

Cleveland Browns

~JR~ Pittsburgh

Monday, Sept. 15

Philadelphia Eagles at

Dallas Cowboys

~JR~ Dallas

Just post your picks for the week in a comment and I will add it on to the post.

Sarah Palin ABC Interview With Charlie Gibson Part 2

2008-09-11T19:57:00.001-06:00