Play Day

Today is play day on the lake. The recent hot weather has undoubtedly warmed the water to a temperature I can tolerate. My youngest and I went swimming down at the lake in my neighborhood Thursday night and it was like bath water - but it was still nice.

Last night we had a campfire in the back yard - we have strung little round paper camp lights between the two trees out by the pond, right over the bird bath and I have put solar light caps on the posts on my deck, and my really pretty four globe solar lights that change colors in my flower bed by the deck. So all of the lighting back there is soft and pretty and the globe lights are like mini gazing balls that change colors - so it is very relaxing to sit out by the fire. The sky was full of stars and somewhere over on Tippy someone was having a party with a live band. We could hear the music. (Bring back memories Danny?) We sat outside til well past midnight just relaxing.

Today, after I get a couple of reports emailed out, we are going to the lake to play on the jet skis and hopefully soak up some sunshine. I am excited! And then tonight is the Tippecanoe Lake Property Owners Fish Fry. Its the best fish ever. Dan's out of Huntington. Which used to be the fish that was at the Mt. Etna fish fries when I was a kid. We are all going over to my sister's for the fish fry tonight, probably she and I will go over to Camp Crosley (where the fish fry is) and pick up the carry out.

Tonight my daughter has to work and my oldest son will probably go to the Tippy Dance Hall.

If all goes well, tomorrow should be a repeat day on the lake!

Summer is truly here.

A Boy. A Lawnmower. And A Pond.

My 16 yr old son got a new lawnmower on Thursday. He has been wanting this new mower for over a year now and has been saving his money. His present lawnmower just hasn't been doing as good of a job as we would like for all of the jobs he now has. So my parents decided to loan him the money to get the new mower.

They went to Kokomo on Thursday to get it. On Friday he mowed the lawns he is contracted to mow over by the lake. On Saturday he finally got to mow our yard. It is the standing joke with our neighbor whenever Kyal comes over to see him its because his mower is in the pond. When they saw his new mower they wondered out loud how long it would be before it went in the pond.

Well you guessed it. First lap around the yard......

He went marching right over to the neighbor and he came over to help. I was on camera duty, I was greatly amused by this. Kyal was not so happy, he said he rode it right down the bank, he was going to go in with it if it went all the way in, and I am sure that he would have too! And being the good mom that I am, well, I took lots of pictures!

So there you go. A Boy. A Lawnmower. And A Pond.

Pretty

Graduation, Hydrangeas, Open House and other things

Life has been crazy around here lately.

I survived the graduation thing. I only cried all day on graduation day. It was after all my baby girl!

I have been working on my yard and flower gardens. I purchased three hydrangea bushes at half price this weekend. I was so excited. I have wanted these hydrangea bushes every year for years. Now I have a special place for them and they are beautiful! They bloom all summer long and the best way to encourage blooming is to cut the flowers and bring them inside to enjoy so more blooms will come in. It is the little things that make me happy!!!

The graduation open house went very well too. It was a week of complete chaos and stress. I got it in my head that I wanted everything in my house in order too even though the party was at the clubhouse down by the lake. So I spent the week trying to work, juggle a kid in summer school and assign chores and tasks to each kid. In the end, not everything came together at the house the way I had hoped, but the party came together beautifully and the decorations were adorable.

So now I am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and looking forward to some rest and relaxation.

I found a beautiful "lacey" crocheted hammock for my backyard now I am trying to find a stand for it.

One of the nicest flower shops in town has its annuals and perinials on sale for half price so I am guessing there will be some more floral purchases made this week and pictures posted here also.

My son took the puppy for her first swim in the lake yesterday. She liked it apparently.

Now I have to get her a life jacket so she can go on the jet ski with me.

My pomeranian I had before her used to ride the jet ski with me all of the time. I hope Macie will like it too.

I rearranged my bedroom so my bed is in front of my windows facing the backyard, I lay in bed and look out at the yard and can see my flowers and solar lights and hear the frogs. Last night there were lightning bugs all around the pond, the first I had seen this year.

And would you believe, I have not been out on the lake yet this year? Hmmm, I think its time I should do something about that!

Graduation

My daughter is graduating from high school this Friday night. My first baby. My only girl. My little girl.

The hopes and dreams I have for this child are endless. She is smart and beautiful. The world is at her feet she can do anything and be anything she sets her mind to. Her greatest cheerleader on this earth is me. I know my daughter and I know the potential.

For now I am breathing a sigh of relief. A huge sigh of relief. So thankful she made it through. So thankful she made it through unhurt and beautiful and smart. So thankful for so many things.

It's crazy, but as a single parent you feel so much pressure. (yes, I know, all parents feel a great pressure, a pressure to teach their children the right things, to give them the right things, to set the right boundaries, to set the right example, etc., etc.) But as a single parent I always felt due to the intensity of our divorce and the eagerness to point fingers and place blame an extraordinary amount of pressue. I felt and still feel as if we live our life under a microscope and someone somewhere is just waiting for one big mistake.

And oh how I love my daughter, but believe me, she is a strong willed free spirit who is going to speak her mind and do as she pleases. I am quite certain the fact that I am now coloring my hair every three weeks is due to her. So today, as the first full day of her new life as a young adult, I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. And I know, my job as a parent to her is not done, we are just entering into a new phase of our lives in which I more often have to stand back and keep my mouth shut and let her learn on her own. Thats the hard part. We don't want our children to have to learn life lessons the hard way, but it is how we all learn.

Kelsay, I love you and I am oh so proud to be your mother.

The beginning stages...

Just a pretty flower for your enjoyment!

This post is going to be all about my landscaping projects for the yard. Pictured above is one of my helper's...

Tuesday afternoon I received another load of fill dirt, this one was free and came from a good family friend who is closer to my ex husband than he is to me. My oldest son called him and asked him how much it would be to get 3-4 yds of fill dirt and he said he would just bring us some. It truly made me cry...but that's the sentimental me... I cried because I was pleasantly surprised that he would be willing to do something like that for me.

My son cut down the tree that was dying in front of my living room/office window and we decided to put the swing there. I have already enjoyed several evenings sitting out in my swing. You may also recognize this area as the area where the gourd that took over our house was growing a couple of years ago. This is the new flower bed out in front around our flagpole. The flowers took a beating in last night's storms, but with some tlc I think they will snap out of it and be beautiful in a few weeks.

I planted some wildflower seeds here the other night. It will be interesting to see how they do.

This is the pond in my backyard. We are going to start putting some chemicals in and scraping algae off the top and see if we can get it cleaned up and looking pretty. It doesn't freeze solid in the winter because it has a fresh spring running through it, so I am thinking of raising some Coi (Koi?) (Goldfish) and see what happens.

This is the flower bed in front of my deck, it needs a makeover, don't you think? Watch this space for upcoming improvements! Actually, I think this bed will be a hodge podge of flowers as my youngest son has planted some seeds and picked out some flowers that aren't exactly to my liking, but he is very excited about helping me with these flower beds....

This is another new bed we are building. I always wanted a hammock between these two trees but they are too far apart, but I am still planning on purchasing a hammock with a stand, and it will be located somewhere nearby! My parents gave me their old birdbath this past weekend, it needs some paint....I am thinking of putting a gazing ball in the middle of it but haven't decided yet. I am also going to be needing some birdfeeders.

This area in front of my bedroom windows and beside the deck probably won't get developed this year (Budget you know!) But I am thinking of a water garden and lilac bushes outside my bedroom windows! I saw some with little waterfalls so I would hear the trickling water all night, I think that would be very soothing.

This is the portable firepit and adirondak chairs and footstools we got for our evening fires. We have already had a few fires in the sideyard but will be moving to the backyard near the pond very soon. Oh so relaxing!

These are the very way cool solar lights I got at Menards. They change from red to blue to green when they are on. I have four of them and I am planning on placing them in the garden with the birdbath.

So yes, I have a lot of work to do, hopefully late this summer my after pictures will be beautiful!

Happy Mother's Day!

Of all the things that I love, I love being a mother the most.

I am ready for some Weekend!

I am so glad its the weekend. On the agenda is yardwork. This is the year I have decided to build some flower gardens.

If you remember, when I first moved in this house I tore out seven garden boxes. But they were just plain ugly.

I have come to the realization that I am no longer married and my husband can no longer spray round-up on all of my flowers. After a couple years of him doing that I lost all interest in have pretty flowers and a pretty yard. Well its a new life now. I am slowly learning this.

My son and stepdad got some rocks from one of the farms for me, and I am building a little "retainining wall" of rocks around my flagpole in my front yard to fill in with dirt and plant flowers. I am also building another bed like that out between my two trees by the pond. And fixing up the one in front of the deck.

A couple of weeks ago a local contractor was working on a neighbor's septic and had a dump truck of fill dirt he was using for their job. He only needed a couple of buckets of the dirt for the job and I bought the rest of the load from him for $20. That was my big event of the weekend, who knew dirt could make me so happy?

It is going to take more dirt, probably another load of fill dirt and then top soil too. But I am game for all of this.

A new Menard's store just opened in town last week and man do I love going there. I am really hooked on solar lights. I got some really pretty ones that look like small gazing balls, blue and white and the lights at night change white, red, blue and green. They are sooooo cool! We also bought a portable fire pit and have had a couple of fires this past week. Now we added some adirondak chairs for relaxing around the fire by the pond. Next thing I want is a hammock.

I will post pictures from before, during and in progress as it all blooms and grows this summer. I am truly looking forward to enjoying my yard and flowers this year.

What a week!

What a week of adjusting to my quickly changing life.

It was the second full week of the new visitation schedule for my oldest son. I still have a big empty space when he is not here, the hardest part is when the bus stops in front of the house to let the neighbor kid off and Macie (the puppy) sits in front of the door and watches for her beloved bubby to walk in. It makes my heart hurt more, since my desk looks directly out into the foyer where she is sitting and waiting oh so patiently.

Then my darling baby girl brought home her cap and gown and graduation goodies. Ugh. Another tug at my heart strings. It is exciting too. Her plans are to attend Rudae's Beauty College in Fort Wayne, so she won't be traveling way far away from me....but still, she is growing up and away.

Add to that the big day on Thursday. Thursday my baby girl turned 18. She promptly informed me I can't ground her anymore and that she is getting a tattoo. Oh but I can still ground her as long as she lives under my roof, drives my car and eats my food, uses my soft water and enjoys my heat and air conditioning. Its just how it is. The tattoo, I suppose I don't have much to say about that, but I did express my sincere disappointment.

Her birthday gathering was nice, we took dinner and cake and ice cream to my parents house and her boyfriend came and my oldest son's girlfriend was there too. We had a great time and my daughter made quite a haul in gifts.

This weekend the boys were with me, and I get them next weekend for mother's day weekend and the following weekend is my normal weekend again. I am so happy. My youngest son went away for the weekend with his aunt and uncle. And my oldest son and I have been doing yardwork. We bought a portable fire pit at our new Menard's store last night and had a fire in the backyard. One of the neighbor girls came over and sat and talked with us for awhile and it was very relaxing. My son and I sat out by the fire until almost 1 in the morning. Maybe this new arrangement is bringing us closer, who knows?

Oh and on a side note, we had our lovely little neighborhood meeting and spring clean up yesterday morning. Well needless to say, I have many issues with our association, but I don't want to be an officer so I just have to deal with it all. Their latest and greatest idea is they are going to strongly suggest that we all switch to just one trash pick-up service (of their choosing of course) so that only one big heavy trash truck a week comes into our neighborhood to pick up trash and thus less wear and tear on our streets. So should we only allow UPS and Fed Ex in once a week, what about other repair trucks, should we schedule repairs just one day a month and hope it fits our schedules so there is less wear and tear on our streets? Heaven forbid someone should build a house on a vacant lot. Or a room addition. Or landscape. Or do anything to improve anything. OMG what if someone pours a concrete driveway or sidewalk??? Oh yeah, definitely a sore spot with me.

But nonetheless, I did survive a week of impending changes in my life, learning to let go of my kids a little and let them spread their wings. No one told me this part was so hard.

I'm feeling better today

Its been a rough couple of weeks. This past week I had to start the new visitation agreement for my oldest son. I won't lie, its been pure hell for me.

I have dealt with so many feelings and emotions, cried several times a day every day and am in general - a basket case.

My heart is broken in a million pieces. As much as I want to believe my son didn't really want to go live with his dad all of the time, deep down I know it really is his wish. Its my wish that he would want to stay here.

What is so difficult is he wants to be there for all of the wrong reasons. The life his dad lives is appealing to a teenager. Its a constant party at his dad's house. The shop (business) is directly behind the house and the employees stay after work every day and hang out and drink beer. Many of the guys are in their early to mid 20s and "cool" in the eyes of a 16 yr old. More friends stop in daily at the shop to drink beer and hang out.

There are motorcycles, dirt bikes, four wheelers, golf carts, etc there. A playground for a 16 yr old with little or no adult supervision to speak of - remember they are all hanging out and drinking beer...

Add to that his dad lives with a woman. Not married to her, just living together, and her 16 yr old son lives there too. This could make my son feel jealous and feel the need to be there to protect his relationship with his dad.

His dad hates confrontation and punishment. Kind of stands by if you ground the kid you ground yourself and thats no fun. He is more prone to hit or kick for disciplinary measures instead. If the kids can avoid him in the heat of the moment, they generally get off scott free.

Enter the home I have strived so hard to create for my kids. I have worked hard to keep the three kids together and interacting with each other in each other's lives. (Remember, my oldest daughter has not had visitation with her dad since she was 12) We have made ourselves into a working family unit and are close to each other.

I removed alcohol from my home last summer. I came to the realization kids are kids, they are probably going to get it if they want, but I decided it would not come from my home. Kids are going to get in trouble, why create more temptation?

As far as his dad living with a woman and not marrying her, I have issues with that. Some circumstances it is fine. But when children are present in the home and at an impressionable age - why not take your role as a parent and a role model seriously? Why not live by standards you want for your children? Why not be the example?

My kids and I live on a tight budget. I can't go buy them everything they want the minute they want it. We have learned to accept this and work with it. None of us go without anything we need, but we do go without things we want. Its a different world at their dad's house, money flows freely as does alcohol and party times. (Much more appealing to a kid than the life I provide.)

So thus, the emotional struggle I have had this past week especially. Knowing that what I was doing was not good enough. Feeling the pain of the choice my child made. I do understand it through his eyes. And through the eyes of an adult I know he will come up empty on the inside. I now pray he gets that empty on the inside sooner rather than later...he will be welcomed back into my home with open arms, but until then, I am trying to pick up the pieces and move on.

Who woulda thought?

Who would have thought that my oldest daughter turning 18 and graduating from high school would make me cry? I didn't. Well ok, yes I did.

I get very emotional. Every time any of my kids have been in any kind of play or graduation or awards ceremony or anything, I cry. Every single dance recital, every time one of my kids walked out on stage, I teared up. I don't know why, it just happens, I get a big lump in my throat and tears start welling up in my eyes. Its a mix of emotions, mostly pride, but other ones too.

When I received the information to order her graduation stuff, I did ok with that....no tears....just trying to figure out how I was going to pay for it, but no tears. But today, all of the information about all that is going to take place between now and graduation...I was a sobbing fool by the time I finished reading it.

So tell me....how am I going to get through the graduation ceremony??? Waterproof mascara and a box of tissues for starters...

Kids

My kids are growing up and life is changing. Life is changing in ways that make me sad. Ways that make me happy. Ways that make me proud. Ways that make me mad. I guess its just all part of the grand scheme of things.

My two older kids are growing up and away, they are now exhibiting decisions they make of their own free will. Some are good, some are bad, some are hurtful, but they are their decisions. Their dad and I have worked to lay the foundation, we are there to guide and give advice, however they are at the age where we are "stupid." I have been there and done that. I look back and see the wisdom that was shared with me at the time...but I sure didn't see it as wisdom then.

I feel time slipping through my fingers. Not so much with my daughter who is just two weeks away from turning 18 and less than two months from graduating high school. I know my bond with her will always be strong. But I do feel time slipping through my fingers with my 16 yr old son.

The new visitation agreement gives him more time with his dad than with me and forces me into the "part-time" parent role. My heart is breaking a million times over just trying to accept and deal with this situation. With him being gone from me and his brother and sister so much, I fear that all of the "bonds" will crack and suffer.

We had a great night last night, my daughter had her boyfriend over for dinner and my oldest son had his girlfriend over for dinner. After dinner they went out in the yard and played ball with my youngest son. They had the puppy outside with them and were laughing and having a great time. Later we all went to Ritter's and had ice cream. As I absorbed it all in, I was happy and deep down inside kinda sad as I feel these times becoming more precious and slipping slowly away.

Man, I am going to make a terrible empty nester....