That search is on again this year. You know, the one I go on every year and it keeps getting more and more elusive, the search for Christmas in my heart.
I want so badly to be back to my old self at Christmas. The one who put a tree in every room of the house, the one who decorated every nook and cranny, the one who had Christmas music or Christmas movies on 24/7, the one who made corny Christmas crafts with the kids that later became my most prized treasures, the one who baked all kinds of cookies and treats from Thanksgiving on and went on little visits with the kids and delivered plates of Christmas goodies to special friends, the one who took goodies to the nursing homes to the residents who didn't have family near....I want to be that person again.
Life has changed so much and circumstances have changed so much. I have become so bitter and jaded that I don't let anyone inside to see the real me anymore and I don't let the real me peek out too often. I have the biggest heart of gold and would do anything to help someone in need, especially if they are a stranger, I have a much harder time opening up to those that are closest to me, you see, they are the ones who have the power to hurt me...
So with that said, how do I find Christmas in my heart again? I have been soul searching for the true meaning, and do you know what I am finding the true meaning to be? I am finding it is acknowledging the ones you love, letting them know how much they mean to you and then basking in the glow of knowing what special people you do have in your life. I have reconnected with a few this past week and its starting to feel more like Christmas.
Its not the gifts, or the decorations. Its time spent with the ones you truly love and making sure that they know how much you truly love them. That is Christmas.
1 comment:
GEG:
Whenever I get in the "holiday funk" (and that occurs most every year now), I get out the tunes I remember, the movies that meant something to me, and let my mind wander back to those "days of yesteryear.
Yeah, it's an escape of sorts, but at least I'm not a heckuva lot worse off in mind or spirit.
Every year, the Christmas cards we receive get fewer and fewer, and I still send my list out...
Do I get jaded?
Nah.
Bitter?
Perhaps a little.
Cheated?
Indeed.
Cynical?
Sure, why not?
But as long as I can recall the Christmases of times past, I will never FULLY lose the Christmas spirit.
And neither will you.
That's what gets me by every year.
B.G.
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