funny budwiser snowball fight - horses

hehehe

Christmas in the heart

That search is on again this year. You know, the one I go on every year and it keeps getting more and more elusive, the search for Christmas in my heart.

I want so badly to be back to my old self at Christmas. The one who put a tree in every room of the house, the one who decorated every nook and cranny, the one who had Christmas music or Christmas movies on 24/7, the one who made corny Christmas crafts with the kids that later became my most prized treasures, the one who baked all kinds of cookies and treats from Thanksgiving on and went on little visits with the kids and delivered plates of Christmas goodies to special friends, the one who took goodies to the nursing homes to the residents who didn't have family near....I want to be that person again.

Life has changed so much and circumstances have changed so much. I have become so bitter and jaded that I don't let anyone inside to see the real me anymore and I don't let the real me peek out too often. I have the biggest heart of gold and would do anything to help someone in need, especially if they are a stranger, I have a much harder time opening up to those that are closest to me, you see, they are the ones who have the power to hurt me...

So with that said, how do I find Christmas in my heart again? I have been soul searching for the true meaning, and do you know what I am finding the true meaning to be? I am finding it is acknowledging the ones you love, letting them know how much they mean to you and then basking in the glow of knowing what special people you do have in your life. I have reconnected with a few this past week and its starting to feel more like Christmas.

Its not the gifts, or the decorations. Its time spent with the ones you truly love and making sure that they know how much you truly love them. That is Christmas.

What's on my tree Wednesday...

Ok here we go, week two of What's on my tree Wednesday... I chose a little different ornament this week, and believe me, my decision was tough, I was just in taking a ton of pictures of ornaments on my tree, but I chose this specific one for the memories and good times it holds:

It's definitely hard to see, but its the memory that matters. This ornament was given to me in 1994 for being a designer in the Festival of Trees. The festival is held in our community each year as a fundraiser for the Home Health Care Foundation. Unfortunately, in my divorce I lost some things, and one of those things was my Christmas Tree photo album. I really wish I had it to look back over the trees I decorated. In 1994 I did my first tree with my sister, we had a lot of fun and it was a "Stars and Stripes" forever and we made all of the decorations on it. It was very cute.

1995 was a very difficult year, my grandmother passed away and I did a tree in honor of her and my grandfather. It was "Angels Among Us" and I did that tree all by myself and handmade each and every ornament on it. It was a labor of love and a lot of late nights crying my eyes out while I made the ornaments. It was also therapeutic and I came to terms with my loss.

The following year I did two trees. I did a big one for Miller's Merry Manor and I started in August and I went to the nursing home every Tuesday afternoon and I hosted the craft time with the residents and we made the ornaments for the trees. Some of the ladies had other ornaments and decorations they made and they entrusted me with their treasures for "our tree". I cannot begin to tell you what an enriching experience that was for me. The memories of the people will be forever etched in my heart.

One lady, oh my, she was such a spitfire, she would tell me how to do what we were going to do. She would call me at home and tell me what we should do the following week, such a pistol. She called me aside one day and she had a bag of "very special decorations" that she wanted on our tree, but there was a stipulation, I had to get them back to her by the day after Christmas because her family was all coming to visit her for Christmas on the 28th and they were the gifts she was giving them.

I felt so honored that she entrusted me with what was precious to her. As fate would have it, the day after Christmas I received a phone call that she had passed away that morning. She was up and getting ready for breakfast and just died. She went fast and painlessly. I was devastated, she was such a pistol, I knew going into the project that it could and would possibly happen, but she just wasn't the one I expected it to happen to so soon. So there I was left with this promise I had made and I had no idea of how to best keep the promise. The only thing I could do was to write a note to her family and wrap the ornaments in a box and take them to them at the funeral home. I did, I gave them to her son and told the story and do you know I received a thank you note from each and every member of that family thanking me for keeping my promise to Tillie.

The other tree I did that year was called "Christmas by the Sea!" I loved the idea, hated the tree. I fought tooth and nail with that tree every step of the way. I never was happy with the way it looked. The night of the preview party, I actually climbed over the roped area and went in and started messing with the tree some more. My husband grabbed my arm and pulled me back and told me to just stand and look at it and see what everyone else was seeing...I had no idea what he meant, I looked at him, the tree and him again, so then he redirected me to the stand showing the title, the designer, sponsor, etc of the tree and then I saw it, the first place ribbon for the most original tree....you just never know!

The following years I have judged, hosted kids craft days and most recent years I just enjoy being a spectator....but who knows, maybe one of these days....

I want to thank Katie at This Crazy Life for hosting this blog carnival and making me go down memory lane and leading me back to Christmas in my heart.

Today: Snow. High near 35. East wind around 10 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. Total daytime snow accumulation of around 5 inches.

Tonight: Snow likely. Cloudy, with a low around 30. North wind around 10 mph. Chance of precipitation is 70%. New snow accumulation of less than a half inch possible.

Monday: Snow showers likely. Cloudy, with a high near 34. Northwest wind between 10 and 15 mph. Chance of precipitation is 70%. Little or no snow accumulation expected.

Monday Night: A 30 percent chance of snow showers before 1am. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 21. West wind between 10 and 15 mph.

And of course.....my kids are wishing for a .....

What's on my tree Wednesday...

Katie at This Crazy Life is hosting a weekly blog carnival featuring our favorite Christmas Tree Ornaments each week. Of course I am participating. I need to "find" Christmas again, and I think this might help. My tree is not up yet. I will do all of the other decorating over this holiday weekend and put the tree together and light it so that when the boys return home from their dad's on Sunday evening we can decorate it as a family.

As you know I got a little excited when my daughter got her tree up already and posted about that. And besides, its her tree with her ornaments, so I technically shouldn't post about her ornaments. I am however going to post about our "Christmas Fairy". It started a few years ago when my sister did a fairy tree. One particular fairy on the tree "bothered" Kelsay and she would remove it and hide it. My sister would find it in strange places and put it back on the tree. Then it became a game to move it around and use it to "terrorize" Kelsay with. When I moved into our new home, my sister gave me the fairy. That thing shows up in the strangest places because Kelsay hides it everytime she finds it. I now keep it hid for opportune times to bring it out. So it lives the majority of its life in hiding.

Dying Boy's Last Wish Granted

There is a wonderful new angel in heaven looking over all of us, Brendan died last Friday morning.

Kelsay's Pink Flamingo Tree

One Christmas tree is up! I will redo this with better pictures tomorrow, but I just couldn't wait to share!

Very Sad

Today I received a text message from my oldest son while he was at his dad's for the weekend. A friend of the family for a long time passed away last night. He was young with his whole life ahead of him and left a young son behind. The circumstances surrounding his death were bad decisions he made in his life recently. Decisions that ultimately cost him his life.

My two boys are shook up by this. I am shook up by this. The young man who passed away was the young man moms want their sons to grow up to be. He was handsome, he was charming, he was a hardworker, he adored his son, he had a personality that just drew people to him. He took the time to stop and talk and LISTEN to everyone. His life turned down the wrong road and unfortunately got the better of him. Its so very sad. I can't imagine running into Leesburg and not running into him anymore. He always had a hug and a kiss for me and words of encouragement. Such wise words from someone so young.

My heart breaks for his family and more than anything for his precious little boy who will grow up having a hard time remembering his daddy, and will miss knowing the wonderful man he truly was.

My oldest son is really struggling with this. I also shared a couple of days ago my concern for my son in that he is a yes man and does not wish to hurt anyone's feelings. I fear this could work against him and I fear he could easily follow in his father's footsteps and let alcohol take hold of his life. I asked him to honor the memory of our friend by remembering how his choices cost him his life and hurt so many people left behind to pick up the pieces. Pick up the pieces of what did not have to be. I begged my son to take a long hard look at this and apply it positively to his own life. Then I told him I love him. I can still do that.

I would be oh so very dissappointed....

I was just reading the news this morning and discovered many talk shows are scrambling to get Sarah Palin on for an interview. In fact she has become very high demand. However, one of the hosts requesting her to be on their show absolutely has me stumped. Oprah as you may recalled shunned her before the election. Women across America were screaming for Oprah to have her on her show. But of course, due to Obama, Oprah absolutely ingnored the request of her fans. I have never been hooked into the talk show craze, I have seen a couple of the Oprah shows in the past and have read the magazine a couple of times out of sheer boredom. The woman has never really tripped my trigger so to speak - but nonetheless, I DID respect her and all of her causes. She is a powerful voice for women -and obviously men too - everywhere - but get real folks, she shunned Sarah Palin when she could have at least granted an interview on the show. But, well, we know why that didn't happen. But NOW she would like for Sarah Palin to appear on her show?!?!?! I can't tell you how truly disappointed I will be if that should happen.

Small Fryday Contest!??!??!??!

I have a confession to make. I am turning into a blog junkie. Wait. No. You already knew that. I have been a blog junkie for quite some time. In the past few months, I expanded my horizons somewhat and discovered facebook, then through facebook I discovered some old friends.

One very near and dear to my heart friend that I had lost contact with...Miss Katie at This Crazy Life has been a Godsend to me. I used to babysit this little girl and once I found her blog I read the whole thing in one night and caught up on a lot of her life that I missed once I married. Through Katie I have found several other refreshing blogs that have mysteriously worked together the renew my faith in God, which is something I needed desperately as I continue my struggles as a single mom with an ex-husband who is playing with the hearts and minds of our precious children.

With Katie being much younger than me, somehow I feel I have almost slipped into a role of a somewhat older and wiser mom who can offer reassurance to Katie and some of her other bloggy friends. With three kids, I have "been there and done that"! I think some of my most valuable advice thus far would just have to be the duct tape for boys diapers, as long as you are careful not to get the tape onto the skin! ;)

Anyway, the reason for this post is another blog that I found through Katie and I have followed it for 3 months or so.... is My Charming Kids on this wonderful blog you will find the wonderful story of a miracle. You will see and learn first hand the power of prayer. I cannot tell you the many wonderful ways MckMama and her family have touched my heart and relit the candle inside of me. She will never know how truly grateful I am to her. You really need to check this one blog out if you do nothing else, your heart will be forever engraved with her words and her beautiful family. MckMama is hosting a contest to draw more visitors to her blog, and this is so unlike me, but I am on this bandwagon...

I know some think of us bloggers as foolish and think we are lost in the cyber world, but I have to tell you, when I am at work each day and take my breaks, I take a blog break rather than a smoke break - so you tell me, how healthy is that!?!?!?! My blog has enriched my life by giving me a place to not only vent, but to learn what things in this life I am truly passionate about, by revealing myself to others, I have revealed my true self to me, and it is refreshing to know what I stand for and what I believe and what I want in this life for my kids and for myself. I have learned I am not alone in my beliefs and there others out there who just get it!

So please, take a moment and visit MckMama, You will not ever regret it.

Ya Live, Ya Learn

When I signed on the computer this morning, I was greeted by this odd Google logo:

I couldn't quite figure out what it was, I am a little dense sometimes you see, but when I hovered my mouse over it I discovered it is René François-Ghislain Magritte's 108th birthday. Ok. So I clicked on it and found more information than I was probably looking for but Wikipedia was chock full of information of course! Below are two pictures that I believe contributed in large part to the google logo for today:

Ok. So now you know, ya live, ya learn! Isn't there a song about it raining men???