Its no secret I am divorced and raising three kids. I face daily challenges in this life and sometimes it gets tough. Right now its really tough.
I filed for a modification in child support back in January. My ex has been dragging it ever since then. In the process his attorney quit on him. He told my attorney he couldn't reason with him and was tired of all of his milarky.
This summer there was an incident while my youngest son was spending a week with his dad in which poor judgment was exercised amongst my ex and his employees who were drinking and horsing around after work. My youngest son was literally given a swirly by a 24 yr old man. My son called me and told me as he was crying hysterically. I called my ex and asked what was going on and he was drunk and told me my son deserved it. I asked to come and get him and he said no. So I called the police for a welfare check on my son.
Less than a month following this incident my ex filed for custody of our oldest son. Keep in mind, my ex has not exercised visitation or any type of communication with our oldest daughter for almost 5 years. She can't get along with his girlfriend so he has disowned her. He does not acknowledge holidays or birthdays.
So see if you follow this. He doesn't see our daughter. My youngest is punished with swirlys and is told he deserves it. (My ex even told the officer our 9 yr old son deserved it.) And he wants custody of my oldest son. He was denied last time he tried and was told to take alcohol management classes. He did not do this.
It appears to be a cut and dried case in black and white that no judge in his right mind would grant this request.
But what if he does?
I have spent the last couple of weeks sick to my stomach every day with a black cloud hanging over my head and crying myself to sleep. If I could honestly say that it is a good living environment at my ex's I would not fight this.
My son is 16. He is at a crossroad between boy and man and is making life long decisions. There are too many negative factors in that home. I am not perfect either. My house is not spotless. I am terrible at homework with the kids. I don't cook every single night, we eat out more often than we should. But I am with my kids every night through the week and on the weekends when they are here. My daughter and I are very close.
I know my kids. I know what they like. I know what they dislike. I know where they go to school, what grade they are in and who their teachers are. I know their friends. I know their birthdays.
So if any of you have any extra prayers to spare, pray for the judge who will reign over our case that he will make the best decision for the three of our kids together as a whole and as the family they have become.
4 comments:
Here is my question... What does he(meaning said son) want? Do the judges even take into consideration the opinion of a 16 year old kid? Or does he actually think that the abandonment and swirlys are okay as long as he has a good relationship with his father? I will never understand that man. I used to see him out partying at the same places I was at when I was 21 or 22. I will be praying... when is your courtdate?
Thanks both of you. I have already requested a CASA report (Court Appointed Special Advocate) who will interview not only the immediate family members, but teachers, caregivers and anyone else in close contact with our family.
My 16 year old son is a confused mess. He is elated that his dad "chose" him. If you could only see the motion he filed....he wants custody because circumstances have changed substantially....meaning his income has doubled....support will increase over $100/wk so he is asking for custody of one child and a reduction in child support.
He requested a different judge, so everything is stalled yet again. Simply playing games with our lives.
He tried this same game in the course of our divorce that lasted just shy of 5 years. All three kids have been in counseling. It was then recommended that the custody not be taken from me, I was advised to seek "stress management" and he was advised to attend alcohol abuse classes which he did not do.
In an unusual move, the judge ruled on the day of the hearing while we were still in the court room that the kids would all stay with me.
Its the same game, a different day. The difference is my son can now say he wants to live with his dad. If I believed that deep down in my heart and felt it was a safe environment, I would not fight this.
I have an attorney, and I have already offered a settlement to my ex - he wishes to battle on in order to reduce child support.
The bottom line with him is $, its not the overall well being of his children, all three, not just the one he chooses.
I have 2 police reports regarding child welfare checks while the kids were visiting him, his older daughter who lived with him during her senior year was arrested for consumption and possession of alcohol by a minor. I have hospital reports where I have taken the boys in after they returned home from a weekend with him. Incidents in which they were injured and medical attention was not sought...because he was drinking and had a greater fear of being arrested than if his kids were ok.
I could go on....
It seems like an easy cut and dried case that no judge in his right mind would split these kids up....
But I have a 16 yr old son being manipulated by his father who will tell the judge this is what he wants...
I am fighting in all the avenues that I can...but its that thing called off-chance that scares me.
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