Mediation

I shared earlier this week that my ex husband and I went to mediation in regards to custody of our oldest son and an increase in child support.

I am very uncomfortable with the fact that he wants custody of only one child. I hate that he can pick and choose which kid he wants the most and push the other two aside. I hate that he finds it necessary to split up the core family unit as the kids know it.

I felt very pressured by the mediator to let my son live with his dad. I kept telling the mediator that I am doing absolutely nothing wrong in my home that merits having a child taken away from me. On the other hand I have many concerns in regards to the lifestyle my ex-husband exhibits in front of our children. Documented concerns. Documented meaning police, child protective services, CASA and court reports.

It came to a point where they wanted to bring my son in and question him about what he truly wants to do. I said no. I said no because on Thursday of this past week my son told me he wanted to live at home with us. I said no because on Sunday I received a text message from my son stating he was "almost sure" that he wanted to live with his dad. I said no because he refused to talk to me on the phone and tell me this. I said no because I was not certain the text message discussion we had was actually between he and I. I said no because I was 75% sure that his dad's girlfriend was sending the text messages. I said no because I understand that my son is confused and although he may want to live with his dad, he also wants to live at home and he doesn't want to hurt either of us. I said no because I did not want to put my son on the "hot seat" and make him "choose his favorite parent."

We finally came to an agreement. The agreement resulted in pretty much a 50/50 split between the homes. My oldest son will spend the night at his Dad's Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and every other weekend. My youngest son will continue with his Wednesday evening and every other weekend. Oh, and I can't forget to mention, there is still NO visitation with our daughter. She does stop over to see him sometimes when the boys are there and his girlfriend is gone...

The agreement also indicates when the weather is nice and my son needs to work near our home for his lawncare business, that will be a first priority...but it will be necessary to take him to his dad's to sleep at night when the sun goes down....

This is only thru the end of this school year. Then our summer arrangement of every other week kicks in.

But here is the part that is absolutely eating away at me. This is the part that is putting that little black cloud over my head. This is the part that I hate. In early August we have to go to binding arbitration. At this point a binding and permanent living arrangement will be agreed upon for my oldest son. My son will be brought in and forced to choose which parent he wants to live with permanently. Again I hate to put him in that position. My only hope is that this temporary arrangement we came up with works well and feels good to him and shows him he can have equal time with both parents, and still be with his brother and sister a little more frequently than if he were to live with his dad permanently. My hope is that he will like the arrangement and tell the arbitrator that this working well and he wants to leave it like this, or even better that he will say he wants to be home with his family. Because we are a small little working family and my oldest daughter will not be leaving for college, she will be attending beauty school in Fort Wayne and still living here.

My heart is breaking with what my son has already had to go through, and I am praying fervently that we have resolved it into a working pattern that will work for him and take the decision making process off of him.