Someone Else...

I have never truly grasped the concept that Someone else is in control of my life. Its an ongoing power struggle in which I try so hard constantly to remain in complete control of my life.

This control of my life concept goes so far as to make me one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet. I REFUSE to ask for help. I might give a subtle hint of what I need done for me, but if the hint is not heeded in a timely manner I will just do it myself.

There have been a few times that this stubbornness has landed me in the hospital helplessly out of control. And when you become helplessly out of control....help swarms in on you. People understand what you need and you don't have to say a word, they just jump in and do what needs to be done.

I know I am being very vague and general....but here is a more specific example. One of my hospital stays was an entire week with another week of rest to follow up. My mom and sister pitched in to help. They divided the kids between them. They had help from their husband or significant other... and at the end of the two weeks they all were exhausted, their homes were a wreck and they were behind on their laundry! And remember, they divided the kids between them... From that hospital stay stemmed many solutions to many problems I had that were overwhelming me. I was refusing to stop and ask for help. But help came. I was able to relax a bit more and lighten up a little more.

Recently I have gotten in over my head again with stress and worry and refusing to ask for or accept help. This time it didn't come down to a total crisis. But this time Someone else stepped in. I always forget to turn to God and ask for help. I tend to wait until I am so deep in the muck that it seems as if there is no other thing to do but to turn to God. And this time again I still didn't turn to God, but He stepped in anyway. I felt him step in and comfort me and make things look a whole lot better and less overwhelming. I feel Him working in our lives.

Maybe I will sound like a holy roller to some of you for this post. Maybe I will sound like a babbling idiot. Maybe it doesn't matter...

If you have noticed my twitter on the side "Praying for Stellan" and my link to the My Charming Kids Blog then you will know I have been following this blog daily and praying for Stellan constantly. I honestly believe my prayers for this child brought God back to me and my family and put His hand back in control. And well, those of you who know me....know that its hard for me to "let go"