happy feet remix

It's cute, but let this be a warning, its hippy hoppy!!

Christmas Is Over!

It came two and a half weeks ago. The same date as always. December 25. Christmas. It's over now. The stores are full of Valentine goodies, decorations, candy, gifts and cards. Christmas clearance items are getting more difficult to find. Why? Because its over!

Tonight when I walked out in my kitchen and looked out the window - my neighbors down the street still had outside Christmas lights on. I can see a house down toward the lake and it had Christmas lights on. My neighbor across the street is still displaying outside lights and the tree is still lit and decorated in their living room window. And the next door neighbor to them still has outside lights on. This is a pet peeve of mine. The longest I have ever kept Christmas lights and decorations up is until New Year's Day, that is the end of my tolerance. This year I was a bit slow and it took me until December 30th and I was also late getting everything out and up this year and never did get any outside lights up this year.

Outside lights are kind of a peeve of mine too, I love them, but my ex husband used to leave them on the house year round, just not turned on. I cured him of that however, I started plugging them back in on Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Memorial Day, birthdays, etc... The lights finally came down. But then, they never went back up, not sure who won that battle???

My point? Am I supposed to have one? (hehehe) No its just that Christmas is over, its time to put the stuff away until next year, that is what makes it such a special time of the year!

VengaBoys

This song just gets my feet to happy!

Ok Go - Here It Goes Again

I would so hurt myself!

One of those songs....

Every once in a while a simple song can catch you off guard. It can hit you right between the eyes with a major dose of reality. I just had one of those servings of reality that kind of reduced me to tears. She Daisy has a song called "God Bless the American Housewife" It just hit really hard.

Once upon a time ago, I was just that, An American Housewife. I wasn't perfect, but I was happy dealing with all of life's little surprises, taking care of the kids, doing laundry, cooking meals. The marriage wasn't perfect, but in my mind it was what I wanted. I gave it up. Now I am still all of those things plus the breadwinner and am solely responsible for the house, maintenance and the kids. Sometimes its just difficult going it alone.

Divorce made me bitter and hardened my heart. I said I would never marry again. I don't think I meant that. I think I want it more than anything in the world. However I am very picky. And I seriously don't believe that anyone is ever going to want me with all of my rules, values, morals, baggage and opinions. Not only must he get past all of that - then my kids are also a top priority and I come as a package deal. I guess in reality I am not much of a package. I guess I will continue on my path and treasure my friendships that I have and accept the fact that what my daughter tells me is true, I am going to end up a lonely old cat lady.

To Be Fat Like Me

I just watched this movie It was a brutal look at how "pretty people" treat "not so pretty people". It's true. I have never been a thin person. It has always been difficult. The psychological side of it is really weird with me, putting myself on a diet is putting me on a path to self destruction. I eat more. It is horrible. There was a point in my married life when I did lose weight and started looking attractive. Suddenly, my now ex husband's friends would carry on conversations with me. They seemed to discover my existence and my intellect. My ex became very nasty. One night he told me he didn't like me this way (this way being thin and attractive...) and our relationship hit the skids. In my depression, I ate more, gained weight and he started liking me again. How screwed up is that???

Now I am living the life of a single woman out there meeting men. I have used the online dating sites and struck up conversations with prospective dates. Conversations go well, they seem to like the person I am, and I don't think I misrepresent myself - I have a hard time stating that I am outright fat, but I let them know I carry extra weight and I am curvy, or voluptuous. Then I always have this moment of reckoning where I make sure that they understand that I am not a beauty queen. In my mind, that is me telling them that I am fat. I can tell you there are a lot of men out there who are very shallow, and they may appreciate my inner beauty, but they can't get beyong the image in their mind of an ideal mate.

I often times tell myself that I am at peace with who I am and that I accept myself as I am. I carry myself with a devil may care attitude that comes across as total self confidence, but deep down, I think it is a shield that I wear to protect myself from the outside world and not let them see my total lack of self confidence. Who knows? Its my cross to bear, and I will probably fight this battle my entire life.

Leftovers Anyone?

Today was the first day back to school after winter break. The kids all seemed excited to get back to school and back into a routine. I stuck with my "resolution" and made dinner this evening. We all sat down to the table together and had meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans and salad. I went to the store this afternoon and have everything to make stuffed pork chops tomorrow night and a roast on Thursday evening. My daughter and I will do our own thing on Wednesday night while the boys go to their dad's. We even have all homework done and my youngest is off with his uncle working on his pinewood derby thingy.

I took a short walk this morning before I settled down to phone calls, paper work and job searching. I really am trying to stick to the goals I made for this year. I even drug myself to church yesterday and the building didn't crumble to the ground around me... I have some leads on some jobs, not hurrying, I will find what is best for myself and the kids.

Pregnancy Test

I love this commercial, it caught me so off-guard, wish I had been the brainchild behind it!

NFL

Colts vs Kansas City (+7)

Jess Colts
AWB Colts

Seattle 21 vs Dallas (+3) 20

Jess Dallas
AWB Seattle
(Good thing we implemented the use of the point spread!)

New England 37 vs Jets 16 (+10)
(K, so the point spread isn't going to save me on this one...)
Jess Jets
AWB NE

Philadelphia 23 vs NY Giants 20 (+7)
(Woo Hoo! I like this point spread thingy!!!!)
Jess Giants
AWB Philly

Spring Cleaning...

I have been cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. Everything except the windows...I hate doing windows. I have these windows that you can actually pull apart kinda sorta and wash both sides from inside without removing the screen. When I first moved in my mom's cleaning lady came over to help me get everything ready to move in....and I saw her do this with the windows, but I haven't figured out how to do it myself. Sigh. One of these days....hehehehe. But seriously, its been like spring cleaning around here and when I get in this mode - its horrible for my kids, I have no patience, when I tell them to do something - I expect them to do it NOW! (Or NEOW AWB!) - and if they put me off or forget to do it, well in my lack of patience I will just do it myself being the martyr that I am and all.... They all told on me to my parents because when I clean like this it involves moving furniture so that everything gets cleaned. Not a big deal, other than I am still on some restrictions on lifting heavy things due to my surgery. I had a nice little meeting with my doc yesterday where he tried very hard to explain three things to me......"tincture of time" for healing (yeah right).; If it hurts - don't do it (well it has to get done somehow!) and patience is a virture, (his comment to me is that I have none and I need some.) I think the good doctor is a bit frustrated with me and I think it stems back to my little hissy fit I had at the hospital when I decided it was time to go home...

Anyhow, we are experiencing spring cleaning in our home right now. And I must say I do realize it is still winter, but the weather is indicating more like spring conditions as some of my trees are starting to bud...So I might as well get a head start just in case we get an early summer, I will be ready to hit the lake!

Oh What an Interesting Turn of Events

Well it looks as if I have something else to add to my new year's resolutions. Find a new job! I have been on a medical leave for the past six weeks and meet with my doctor today in hopes of being released to return to work. Ugly rumors surfaced yesterday that my former employer had sold the business.

So meanwhile, I have a job I have been working on from home that could actually be lucrative. I have been doing some media consulting for a local business, and I could try to expand into my own business, not sure if I am really ready for that, but maybe - just maybe... and of course I am a gal who always has something in the pipeline, so there may be another opportunity yet to come to fruition, it has been discussed, I just want to be assured it will not interfere with a much more important friendship, I will NOT forfeit the friendship in the hopes of making some money. However, there is yet another couple of opportunities that have been discussed in passing that I can also follow up on.

I am not really sweating it yet, rather, I am going to study all options and decide what I really want to do and maybe even determine what I want to be when I grow up!!! This is going to be all about attitude and if I take on a defeated "life sucks" attitude......well then I am sure I will get a bowl of lemons.....but I think I am going to make lemonade...

New Year's Resolutions

I eluded to the fact in my last post that I really do not like resolutions. I really don't. They usually turn into lofty goals that are never met and then I end up disappointed in myself. On the other hand, if I do happen to attain one of them then I end up being proud of myself. However, last evening did turn into an evening of reflection and maybe even a bit of perspective of what really is important in my life. And in reality, resolutions, or goals, can add some discipline and order into my life and the lives of my kids. So maybe, just maybe, it is not a bad idea to come up with some resolutions, or goals.


Of course, on the top of my list, I want to lose more weight. I have been sidetracked the last couple of months with surgery, which gave me a jump start on a diet, but also made me "softer and flabbier"...in light of the fact that I have a beautiful neighborhood to walk in, a daily walk would be a great thing along with a healthy eating style and all should be well with me and wouldn't hurt my kids one bit either.


Next on this list I don't think it would hurt for the kids and I to get into a regular habit of going to church again. I tend to let it slide too often with the boys bouncing in and out of here every weekend. I have never wanted to cram religion down their throats and make them despise it, but I have always wanted them to be fully aware and able to make their own decisions, but as a parent, I must guide them....right?


These last few months, with the surgery stuff making me dependent on my kids and family, a lot of the housework has slid into disarray, I have spent the last few days "spring cleaning" - I think it is high time to devise a job chart and make these houligans - and myself stick to it. It always feels good to come home to a clean house.


On the lines of family being first and foremost, too many evenings we have fallen into the fast food routine which involves driving into to town to get the fast food and then eating on the fly while running other errands. A lot of time its caused by lack of planning ahead on my part. Sundays need to become my "get my shit together day" in which I plan meals ahead for the week and shop for the ingredients and even cook ahead if and when possible. I have done it in the past, it really does save a lot of time and money. Taking this concept one step further, it is time we stop eating in different stages of the evening, one kid eating early, another later, me skipping dinner, etc, we truly need to have family time and sit down to an evening meal together.


I am ashamed to post these goals "out loud" for you all to see where I have been so weak. But if doing this makes me open my eyes and work a little harder to devise a better more structured family life for my kids, then its worth it.


Obviously organization and discipline are the key factors here. Guess I know what I need to work on, wish us all luck!