Monday, December 18, 2006

It's In The Heart

I have spent the last few weeks really struggling with Christmas. I have been angry about being divorced and not being able to carry through with all of my past traditions. I have been angry over not being able to be with my kids on Christmas morning. I have been angry over my own personal situation healthwise and not being able to do what I have done in years past.

My best friend has told me over and over, it's not the day, it's what you make of it. It's easy to offer words of wisdom, but it's hard to live them sometimes. I stepped back a bit this weekend and watched my kids in action. They are all busy with their secret missions and so excited. Each time they find a perfect gift for someone - they are so excited they want to give the gift immediately. It's hard to contain their excitement. It's also hard not to catch it.

I have finalized my plan of action for each child, just have to set it in motion over the next couple of days... Even though I am still fluttering around in limbo land and not knowing exactly when I will have my time with them over the holiday - I have come to the realization, whether I have them during the day on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day - it doesn't really matter, it just matters that I am with them. It will be our special time. All in all, I am the lucky one, I get them through all of the rest of the times, the good times, the bad times and the mediocre times - I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Christmas truly is in the heart - not the day.

No comments: