Its one of those days. One of those days when I just want to cry. One of those days when I question my own ability. I have a thousand and one thoughts going through my head. I am not sure I can get it down here so that it makes sense, but this is my therapy. I feel like if I keep all of this inside of me I am going to explode.
Once upon a time ago I married a man I loved. I had three children with him. We set out to raise our children together. We had the same beliefs. We backed each other up on disciplinary issues. Over time we grew apart. He became an absentee father. We rarely saw him and never did anything together as a family. Finally the day came when we split up. At that point in time, he did not know the security code he needed to have to pick up our youngest son from daycare and he had never changed a diaper on him and he was just a little over two. He did not even know what grade the other two kids were in or who their teachers were.
Suddenly, on an endeavor to impress the judge and increase visitation in hopes of reducing support he became super dad. Available for anything and everything that had to do with the kids, field trips, parent teacher meetings, sporting events, you name it, he had it all. Then he started dating a gal who had jealousy problems. She quickly came between him and our oldest daughter. He has not had visitation or any type of a relationship with our daughter for four and a half years now, because of the "bimbo". She also has issues with our youngest son because he requires too much attention, so her son and her make his life miserable when he visits. She does like our older son because he is the same age as her son and they can entertain each other. She does not behave in any manner that is fitting for any children to be around, my sons have witnessed her in various states of undress which is totally unacceptable and she and my ex both drink around them all of the time.
Its difficult because my exhusband and I had the same hopes and dreams for our kids at one time. We had the same set of morals, which included not living in sin. He has lived with four different women since we separated. I have dated, but no man has spent the night in my home when my kids are here. I just don't understand him and his thinking process.
He throws a fit if I don't give him information regarding things going on at school with the kids. He throws a fit if I do give him information regarding things going on at school with the kids. If they are doing well, nothing is said. If there is a problem he and his girlfriend go off on me and blame it all on me being a horrible parent. My son is carrying a failing grade in English right now and I passed the info on to his dad tonight. His girlfriend called me and said I was a poor excuse for a parent and went on and on blaming it all on me. I tried to talk to my ex and he explained that I should do our son's homework with him every night. I check my kids' homework, but I do not do it. My son is a freshmen and he needs to be responsible for his own work. He tells me he has it done and does not bring it home from school. My other two kids make honor roll. Are their grades the result of me being a bad parent also?
I have been so upset by all of this all evening. Its like once you become a single parent, you live your life under a microscope with everyone just waiting for you to screw up so they can take you to court and try to take your kids away from you.
